FunKiller

On Patriots, Politicians and Citizenship

2011-08-20T17:05:00.000-07:00

So, for nearly three years or so I've been marinating on, well, fuming over the turn of the political landscape since the last presidential election and susbsequent congressional election. In that time, as both a believer in Christ and an historian junior grade, I can't help but marvel at what has taken place. In my humble opinion what has materialized is equal parts amazing and baffling.

The emergence of the Tea Party movement(initially formed around the acronym, Taxed Enough Already)is a good place to start. Before President Obama even took the oath of office, elements of this movement were festering in the petrie dish of Ameircan politics through tax protests. Lets be clear about this, before the man even entered office, these concerned citizens were already in objection to his policies. Hmmm. Then, after January 20, 2009 their 'concern' turned to outrage with a steady supply of half truths and half baked conspiracy theories of a socialist take-over served up by the wizardry of Glenn Beck. Their influence has grown steadily and remarkably since then. To a degree, this is to be respected, for these 'patriots' have mustered the man and woman power to sustain a movement that has more people talking about the Constitution than I can recall despite my efforts as a history teacher. And this is my next point regarding this movement. People like myself in the field of civics education have been teaching for years of the need for an informed, educated citizenry. That without such our nation is in peril, our government slave to the corporate interests that buy elections. This is why we teach the Constitution and founding documents. And our thanks for these efforts? To be demonized by the Tea Party as part of the educational elite that controls the thoughts of our youth and that we are instruments of the destruction of our Republic by taking God out of our history. In truth, it seems that because these 'patriots' have a very specific, biased and unrealistic interpretation of our founding, teaching actual history to students is viewed as objectionable and traitorus. Ironically, a good number of these citizens home-school their own children, fearing the likes of me no doubt. Instead of finding the truth of what goes on in the public education on their own, it seems they would prefer to rely on the views of Glenn Kimber, Cleon Skousen,John Taylor Gatto and Glenn Beck. All Mormons, all Libertarians. Hmmm. And so, what I could have seen as a vindication of what I've tried to get my students to see and a call to genuine deliberation on the direction of our society is nothing more than what is: a bunch of angry white men and women. Now the genesis of their anger-big government, out of control spending and unsustainable and stupid acquisition of national debt is real, sincere and agreeable. Their execution and timing are suspect however. I cannot get passed and nobody I've talked to at their meetings I've attended can reasonably answer is: Where was this rage from 2001-2009?

Where were you when I was sick to my stomach at the mechaninations of Karl Rove and Dick Cheney in the runup to the Iraq War? You wanna talk about debt? We borrowed every dime for that damn war from the Chinese. Where were you when disproportionate tax breaks were handed out to the wealthy? Where were you when the conservative majority passed Medicare part D without paying for it and without giving the government the ability to negotiate prices for the prescriptions the taxpayer was now on the hook for? Where were you when energy policy has negotiated behind closed doors? And now you want to yell about how healthcare legislation was handled? Really? You scream how the Democratic party controlled the Executive, Legislative and appointments to the Judicial branch of our government for two years, yet you refuse to understand that same scenario was true of the Republican party from 2001-2006. These are some of the reasons that the Tea Party movement has little standing in my eyes and ought not to have any in the minds of any rational minded American. The concerns of this movement are the concerns of all Americans, making all of us Patriots. Their protestations and conspiracy spinning are the work of paranoia, not patriotism.

I'd like to turn my attention now to those in the Republican party in general. I suppose what I find most surprising, is that I'm surprised at all by the behavior of many Republicans in Congress since Barack Hussein Obama entered office. Their actions are but a reflection of how this party behaved after Bill Clinton got elected in 1992. I can still remeber watching Bob Dole standing on the the floor of the Senate the day after the election saying "Bill Clinton does not have a mandate to govern." What is different this time is that in the 90s Republicans made life difficult to govern they did not obstruct the way the current GOP leadership has. It is clear that soon after the 2008 election these indivduals made the conscious calculation that it was in their best political interest to get in the way of any bipartisan efforts to craft legislation together and that is exactly what they have done. I'm certain there are things President Obama should have done differently to encourage more Republicans to feel as if their ideas were welcome. I'm equally sure that most Republicans in Congress would still have pursued the path they did. Boehner, McConnel and Cantor made sure of that early on. Thus, of course legislation that was passed in the 111th Congress was one sided. It was inevitable based on the Reublican strategy. What concerns me also is that the GOP leadership is considering how it might investigate the Obama administration now that they have control of Congress. With all the problems our nation now faces, they are thinking of how to use the subpoena power of the House to harrass the current administration. Interestingly, in 2006 after Democrats won control of the House, Nancy Pelosi(who I do not like), announced that there would not be an investigation into the Bush administrations questionable actions leading to the Iraq war. And here we are, on the precipice of the re-instigation of the culture wars inside Congress and beyond. Any credibility the GOP had as the opposition party struggling to get their ideas heard stopped when they decided to obstructed rather than help govern. Their actions are those of partisans, not patriots. Politcians, not Americans.

Equally disturbing is the Democratic party. Most of these individuals cannot figure out that life begins at conception. Additionally, they are content with dismantling thousands of years of social history by attempting to re-define marriage and support immigrant rights to the point of circumventing our laws to secure a particular voter base. In terms of fiscal matters, the majority of Democrats don't seem to grasp basic math. Even if taxes are raised(as I believe they should), cuts to entitlement programs are needed. It is simply impossible to keep the promises that have been made. Even moderate Democrats who are willing to flirt with this notion are ostracized by their political peers in much the same way Tea Partiers have made compromise anathema to moderate Republicans. Politicians, not Americans.

And so there you have it. Democrats don't care about life until the child is out of the womb and Republicans couldn't care less once the child leaves the the womb.

This brings me to my last point, that of citizenship. While I'm glad to be an American and proud to say that I have several family members currently serving our armed forces, my citizenship is not defined by the nation in which I was born into. My true citizenship is in Christ. I participate in the pledge of allegience every day at school by standing silently in reflection of what is good about our nation. I do not and will not pledge my allegience to a flag or nation as my allegience is to Christ. As such, it torments me to see so many people who claim to follow Christ blur the line with their political activities. In full disclosure, I am a registered independent, who leans left on some issues, and leans right on others. I have never given money to a political organization or campaign and refuse to believe that one party or candidate has a monopoly on morality or the endorsement of Jesus. So many believers of late seem to talk more about their party and reference the Constitution or a founding father more than they cling to the word of God and the priniciples that Christ has laid out for us to emulate. This is where our country has acquired it's biggest deficit, a deficit of action on the part of followers of Christ to live out the Kingdom of God in great and small ways rather than the platform of the Republican or Democrat party.

There is more. Much more I could write. For now I suppose this has acted as a relief valve.

Be well.

That Guy-Part II

2009-12-01T19:35:00.000-08:00

As my death march toward 40 continues I perpetually come upon occassions reminding me of my mortality, frailty and long lost prime of life.

Take this evening for instance.

I was on my treadmill (conjure up the stereotypical image of a middle aged man on such a contraption). After my 'workout' was over, I got off and stumbled to the closet to take off my shoes. Standing in the closet, I lost my balance, fell back and knocked over a box of memorablia. Luckily I grabbed hold of the wall to prevent my complete collapse.

When I stood straight up again, I gazed down to see what exactly I knocked over and clean up the mess I made. Staring back at me was a picture of me...when I was 20 years old. As I was still short of breath and quite convinced I pulled a muscle when I nearly fell, there, mockingly looking back at me was my former self.

Take a look for yourself.

I think it was 1990. Dear God, time is a harsh mistress.

As if that were not enough, the other day I was really excited to find my copy of Van Halen's 1984. I enthusiastically uploaded it to my iTunes. As I was reading the liner notes it dawned on me that it had been 25 years since the album was released. That is a quarter of a century ago! I was a freshman in high school.

Remembering the show Family Ties? You know when we were in junior high and high school. Alex Keaton's parents would talk about Bob Dylan and a much healthier Michael J. Fox would remind them that was 'ancient history'? I'm now that guy. Some of my favorite albums of my youth are now ancient history.

My life has become a sitcom.

A caricature of over-the-hill domestic manhood.

What happened to the young man in that picture?

I'm going to go bury my yearbooks.

Be well.

Dust

2009-03-06T21:00:00.000-08:00

In additon to being a sign of poor housekeeping, dust is usually an indication that something has been in one place for a while.

This epiphany struck me the other day in my classroom.

I was looking for a box with student work samples that was stored on a top shelf along with some other teacher miscellany. As I moved things around, I eventually knocked another box off the shelf whereupon it settled on the counter and sent dust plumes rising.

It was not what I was looking for, but it was what I found.

As soon as I noticed I got down and sat in a nearby chair and watched the dust work its way back down to the surface of the box and it got me thinking.

How long had that box been there?

Surely, it must have been some time because that much dust does not accumulate overnight.

Why had I not noticed that box before and where was the box I was actually looking for?

Seriously, how long had that box been on that shelf?

The implications were numerous. If I could not remember when I put that particular item on that paricular shelf and sufficient time had passed to collect a good layer air-born sediment, then clearly it and I have been here longer than I thought.

I live here.

I'll never be 'from' here, but this is where I now live. What else could explain the layer of dust on the item that fell? But there were also several other items put up out of arms reach that I was now noticing for the first time. When did I put them there? Have I been so busy living here that I did not notice that dust was collecting on me?

And so, for whatever reason this reality has come upon me, here is where I am. I enjoy the weather. The cold and rain are preferred to the climate of my SoCal homeland, though I admit, by the end of March I welcome the sun. I don't understand the people here and I imagine they don't understand me much either. As I have said before, I fell like an alien in my own country. I have chosen to see what positives I can. I only see 140 students a day as where before I was used to seeing 185. I do hate that there few sidewalks and there are too many two lane roads. There are so many stupid, backward and naive things about here that I dislike. However, the idea of returning to that rotting corpse that is California is even less appealing and a notion that fades more with each passing month.

It is not what I was looking for, but it is what I found.

Now what?

Be well.

Perspective

2009-02-06T19:00:00.001-08:00

While idiots on both ends of the political spectrum 'debate' the stimulus plan likely to pass Congress, I can't help but be amused by Republican efforts of late.

It seems that not only have Republicans in office recently got religion about spending, they also seem to suffer from an amazing case of amnesia.

In an effort to provide some perspective on our current economic woes, a little math lesson seems to be in order.

Cost of Bush tax cuts to the wealthy: 1.6 trillion dollars

Cost of Iraq war he lied about: 1.0 trillion dollars

Cost of his de-regulation of banking
and the resulting mess 700 billion dollars

Total cost of the fiasco that was the Bush years: 3.3 trillioin dollars

Allow me to say that first and foremost I wish there was not a need to borrow 800 billion dollars in an attempt to stimulate our economy. It may work and it may not. We are simply out of options.

I've taught history for 11 years. I know a few things about economics. This is the worst it has been in 75 years. I don't care if you don't believe me. Some things are true whether you choose to believe them or not.

My point, and I do have one is this, we are at this junction as a result of the mismanagement and mollesting of our economic instiutions for the last eight years. Republicans easily forget how their policies were shoved down the throat of the Congress for years. Democrats flailed about in useless impotence and the American public cowered in fear of terrorists around every corner and by doing so abdicated their civic responsibility to question their leadership. This ultimately led to abuses of power not seen for some time.

We are here and something, whether it works or not must be tried. I dare the Republicans in Congress to fillibuster a plan, that by no means perfect, is much more balanced than any legislation George W. Bush ever endorsed.

If we do survive this it will be because we came to our senses, not because of political posturing.

Be well.

What Will I Do For Fun After January 20th?

2009-01-03T15:47:00.000-08:00

Check out this article on YahooNews. To think, this idiot was allowed to run our country for the last eight years. Say what you will about Obama, at least it is easier to listen to him speak.

I Love Christmas

2008-12-23T09:13:00.000-08:00

We caught this gem on video the other day while we were decorating the house. We may be snowed in and had our flight cancelled, but this reminds me of how much I love this holiday.

Be well. Merry Christmas.

I Wish I Had Been There

2008-12-15T16:22:00.000-08:00

I don't know if there is any greater indictment against this president than the recent actions of an Iraqi reporter. This poor excuse for a chief executive has so badly damaged our nation's reputatation and that of every Christian, of which he claims to be. Anybody who voted for this war criminal in 2004 should be ashamed of themselves. Though he deserves far worse, at the very least, these events may give him a sense of the anger, pain and humiliation he has brought to several nations, including our own.

We can only hope that history will be as unkind to Bush as this shoe throwing Iraqi nationalist. It would have sweetened the deal if Cheney were also in the line of fire.

Tom And Dave's Gift Registry

2008-11-18T19:53:00.000-08:00

I have hesitated posting my thoughts here on the issue of Proposition 8, which recently passed in California on the issue of gay marriage. Then I realized, the beauty of the blogosphere is that it is like my own digital talk radio program. I can say whatever is on my mind. I'm glad Proposition 8 passed. Marriage is a heterosexual institution.

I cannot however, offer an argument denying equal legal rights to gay couples nor their right to enter into long-term committments. I believe that all couples ought to have the same rights. I feel that it is the right of homosexual couples to enter into public declarations of life-long pairing and to hold property in common. It is antithetical to the ideas of justice and equity for anyone to say otherwise. Those couples ought to have the full legal right and social mobility as any other. Such a union though is not a marriage. It is the homosexual equivalent perhaps, but it is not a marriage. Socially-historically speaking it is something unique to the union of gay couples, therefore it requires it's own, fully legal designation.

No matter how strongly you feel that gays ought to marry, you have to acknowledge that marriage, since it's introduction to human society has been defined as a union of man and woman. To say that gay couples should be able to marry, is like saying a white person can become black. Socially, culturally speaking the two are by definition different.

Having said that, regardless of my faith, I believe that it is only judicious to offer the same legal protections that heterosexual couples enjoy when they enter into a union. It is not therefore a marriage as it has always been understood. Such a legal creation should not be considered Jim Crow for gays. It is not a case of 'separate but equal' segregation. I'm suggesting rather a distinctive and affirming recognition of the unique constructs for those of the same gender who love one another. All things being equal legally, there is no good reason, absent blind emotion to resist such a proposal.

Surely, my remarks will offend some, encourage others or perhaps no one is till reading this humble blog. Either way, it is just the ramblings of a middle aged heterosexual male.

Hopefully that profile does not marginalize my thoughts.

Just Read It

2008-11-13T06:37:00.000-08:00

Don't be turned off by the title, it is not a critique of the Bush Doctrine per se, though that war criminal should be prosecuted in international court. The book is really about the precarious state of our nation based on events and actions of the past seven decades. Any American who cares about their country should read this book and be spurred on to act to reform our broken institutions.

Is America Ready?

2008-11-04T07:57:00.000-08:00

I have been thinking a great deal recently about this election. Actually, I've been thinking about it ever since the American people lost their senses and re-elected George W. Bush in 2004. Really people, what were you thinking?

Anyhizzle, after much deliberation, soul searching and prayer I know I am ready to vote. But is the country ready for the results? Let me elaborate.

I believe that Barack Obama will be elected tonight thus ushering in a potential paradigm shift in the American pysche. Don't get me wrong, I waited 8 years to vote for John McCain, but the real John McCain never showed up. Because of the reality of party politics, McCain had to do things that I believe were contrary to who he really is as a man. The John McCain of this campaign is not worthy of the American he is in truth. The John McCain of this campaign is some sort of Roveian manifestation of necessity that I'm certain McCain regrets.

When Barack Obama is elected tonight, I'm guessing in an electoral vote landslide, the hopes of many in the nation will be on him. After all, he campaigned on the word. But given the unique nature of his victory, will we be ready for it? If what this candidate has been saying for two years is true, if Americans believe his message, it would suggest an optimism not seen since the election of 1960. Are we as a people still that optimistic or has the reality of globalization and corporate politics in the last half century made us collectively cynical?

Let me qualify my remarks. As a believer in Christ Jesus, my hope and faith is in no man or woman to save our nation and world. No candidate is ideal, Christ has our salvation covered and then some.

Having said that, I am one of the most ardent followers of political discourse I know. The election of Barack Obama does not mean that he would heal the world as some of his critics have joked about. I think the guy is smart enough to know that or even claim it as he is accused of doing. I don't know if he really is a Christian as he says, but I think he would know his own limitations and God's limitlessness. His presidency however, would be pregnant with significance for a varity of reasons. Chief among those is not his being black, but rather with the expectations that America could actually live up to its highest ideals articulated in our founding documents. Is this possible? We have seen glimpses of this potentiality in the past, but these episodes are brief and growing faint with the passage of time.

In a very secular sense I sincerely hope that such a thing is possible. I have taught my students for years that the United States is the only country in human history thus far born not out of language, ethniticity or history, but founded on an idea. That ideal has never been fully realized, but has shown movements in fits and starts throughout our brief national history toward that end. Obama's election would indicate one of the, if not the biggest leap toward our best aspirations.

To expect so much from a man would be too much. What scares me more is that in electing this candidate we would be declaring as a nation that we expect such things from ourselves as well. Are were so collectively fatally flawed as not to really be up to the task? I question our national ability to sacrafice, be inconvenienced and be willing to be our brother's keeper in paying more of our own treasure. Are we prepared to be the people we said we were going to be 232 years ago?

Are we ready to have the greatest of expectations for ourselves as a people? If we are not, we have not a President to blame, but the person staring at us in the mirror.

As a political junkie I will be watching things closely tonight, and so will the rest of the world.

Be well.

That Guy

2008-07-02T23:05:00.000-07:00

As a I peer through the rear view mirror of life and notice 30 fading in the distance and 40 the red light looming large just ahead, recent events have made me take stock of my current station in life.

Though I never thought I would live this long or well and quite certain that I have already reached mid-life it has occurred to me that I have become 'That Guy'.

Who is this generic archetype of male adulthood? Oh, you would recognize him if you saw him. Just channel surf and catch a re-run of an 80's family sitcom. Yes, I have become the charatcer on television I used to watch in my youth.

Here is a short list of things that have happened in the last few months which have convinced me of my new identity.

1. I recieved an invitation to my 20 year high school reunion. I'm not going.

2. Last weekend I made my oldest son volunteer with me at our annual neighborhood cleanup.

3. My life insurance agent left a message to tell me about the great rates available if I wanted to boost my policy before I turn 40. Rates get higher after that don't you know.

4. I called my agent back.

5. Last month I received a card from a new teacher thanking me for all the help I gave him this year and for my patience with 'young teachers' like him. He actually used the word 'young'. Not 'new teacher'. Stevie Wonder could see what he was getting at.

6. I was asked to be a board member of our neighborhood association. Who am I Cliff Huxtable?

7. My almost 11 year old boy has received a few calls from a girl named Anastasia. I'm the father of a tweener for crying out loud. When did this happen? Seriously, it seems like the other day he was still calling bees "flyingthingbugs".

8. I had to coat my bald head in sunscreen before venturing out in the sun the other day.

9. I have actually used the phrase "You know, when I was a kid...." Repeatedly.

10. I've started blaming our dryer for why my pants seem to be shrinking.

I could go on, but why. It is clear to me that I have become that guy who is middle class, has to two kids, a solid marriage, a career, house, community involvement, yada yada yada.

Is it all right if I still tell myself that I'm cool?

Be well.

Turbo

2007-10-13T20:19:00.000-07:00

Dear Aidan,

While you are almost four years old and have convinced yourself that you are indeed a big boy, you are still unable to read the words I am writing. I find it difficult to finds words actually to tell you how much I love you, delight in you and ache when I'm not with you. Perhaps this will someday find you somehow, in the digital ether that is now called the Internet. Who knows what it will be called by the time you truly understand my words.

Your mother and I weren't sure you were ever going to happen. For so long it was just me, mom and Dominic. Life was good. But there always seemd to be something missing from our lives. We could never put our finger on it. It turns out, you were the missing piece of our puzzle. Like her first pregnancy, your mom had troubles the second time around also. You were always an impatient soul, ready to take things on before you were actually ready, including birth. The last two months carrying you, mom was in and out of the hospital and doctors worked feverishly to make certain you stayed put until it could not be stopped any longer. Your mother endured all of it with a grace that is impossible to describe and with dignity that humbles me still.

Buy her nice things on gift giving occassions.

You came early. Over a month early to be exact. We were so nervous that there would be complications, but there weren't any. Your brother was excited, though I don't know if he fully realized how dramatic and wonderfully his life was about to change. I remember on one occassion the three of us went to one of the ultra-sounds they performed on your mom. We brought Dominic in the hopes that he would be able to catch a glimpse of you on the screen. He did. The look of wonder on his six year old face is one of the images that I still carry in my heart to this day. You see, I know what it is like to have an older brother. I also know what it is like to have an older brother get it all wrong. You hit the jackpot. You got one of the good ones. He loves you like I've never seen him care about anything else. You guys fight a lot. But you are two thick headed Italian boys living in the same house. Some things are unavoidable.

Be good to each other. You'll always have one another to lean on.

That first year you were born was filled with joy and pain. It was the four of us in a small two bedroom house and life in general was complicated. My mother held you in her arms as one of the last things she did before she died. Throughout the previous four years her health was declining. And once your mom was pregnant with you, things got worse, but she kept fighting. Toward the end, she was in tremendous pain. I remain convinced that she was holding on to meet you, for she died three days after she held you in that hospital room.

Your mom is frequently tired, taking care of all of us. As your second year began, you were frequently sick. As it goes, your premature birth meant that you had some challenges. Eventually you developed asthma, but you would never know it watching you. You were a fast crawler, once you got started. As soon as you began walking, life got more interesting. Though you weren't always steady on your feet, you frequently lumbered forward and didn't seem to care if the rest of your body ever caught up to your feet. Hence, your nickname.

A spirit of adventure quickly became apparent to all of us. Your lack of fear in trying new things or undertaking feats of courage impressed us early on. You climbed stairs and scaled playground equipment at an earlier age than your brother. You are a world class jumper, hopper, skipper and dancer. Some times all at once. While outside with you, I quickly learned that I was the only one worried about your physical safety. You seem to be born to climb trees and the ones in our backyard can attest to that.

You possess a laugh that is so genuine and pure and full of life's innoncence that I sometimes tickle you just to hear it. It is medicine for my spirit.

You love to play chase and you are one of the most cuddlesome little people I have ever seen. A characteristic that we all love about you. Even your brother, though he'll never admit it. You have an extensive vocabulary and you are at your most articulate when you are describing your feelings at a given moment. You express joy with such honesty and sincerity, I pray it is a quality that you don't lose to maturity. Like your mother, you are a master at facial contortions and you and your brother both share her determined chin and jawline. In fact, as a general rule, you are the spitting image of your mother and Dominic is my very own little clone. This does not always work to my advantage. Whenever I discipline you and I look directly into your eyes, I see your mother, and I melt inside.

Someday you'll know what I'm talking about.

So what prompted these musings of all things great and wonderful in the world Aidan. Simple...

This afternoon I took you and your brother to his soccer game. Once they started practicing you asked me to take you over to the playground nearby. As we started walking across the field you slipped your little hand into mine. When I looked down at you, you said, "It feels nice to hold your hand." After we walked a little further you said, "Dad, you're my best."

I will always love you.

Dad

One Year In

2007-09-22T23:12:00.000-07:00

And so it seems that eight months is an adequate silence. Perhaps.

We have now lived in the PNW for 14 months. So much and so little has changed in that time that it makes my head spin. When I last posted I was probably at the deepest point of a depression that rivaled the one I experienced while helping care for mother as she died. Ironic maybe, for in the last 14 months I feel as though huge parts of me have died and have yet to be resurrected, if ever.

I won't bore you with too many details, though I may have already lost my entire readership. But I write more for me I suppose. Just so it is out there. Just as long as I am no longer keeping it in, but getting it out and hopefully cleansing my broken spirit in the process.

I am still convinced that personally, this move was one of the biggest mistakes of my life. Having said that I am also sure that this was probably one of the best things I could have done for my family. Confused yet? Try living in my head.

Even after over a year of living here I still don't know where all the cool and great things are. Whats more, I hear friends emote over what a great place this is to live and I think they must be smoking something. I can only ascribe it to the fact that though they used to live in SoCal, they have lived here too long and never really experienced southern California as an adult with children. Frankly, the schools here in terms of funding, standards and rigor are inferior to L.A. Public services where they do exist, are more expensive than in my former existence. Property taxes are higher, medical insurance costs me more and utilities are more expensive than they are in California. Add all that to the fact that I took a 30 % pay cut when we moved. Is this suppose to make me happy? Why are my friends so beguiled by this place?

My job as an educator here is much more difficult than it used to be in California and much harder than it should be. The curriculum is so idiotic and the 'skills' they want us to teach are so naive that I have a difficult time not laughing at curricular meetings. It seems as though the entire world has changed and the school system in this state is still behaving as if it were 1985 where all kids need is a hug and some social skills and they will succeed in a 21st century gloabl economy. I am literally told that content is not nearly as important as building the social dimension of my classroom and I should be focusing more on whether my students know how to right an annotated bibliography for a state mandated research paper they can't even understand. Forget about the global context and content of world events in the past 500 years, I should teaching my kids how to think about how they feel about stopping genocide when they don't even fully grasp genocide because I don't have time in class to cover it in it's proper historical depth and context. I worry about the education my own children will receive here. Pardon my rant.

Here is where it gets more depressing...

We went back to SoCal this summer for a few weeks. We had a great time with family and did not get a chance to see half the friends we wanted to. But still, it was nice to be home. I felt 'normal' again. I knew where things were. Why things happened certain ways was understandable to me. The streets ran on a grid pattern and did not change names at the drop of a hat as if some crackhead designed the system back in Vancouver.

The Mexican food was great.
The air polluted.
The traffic horrendous.
Trees were few and far between.
People were rude.
The heat was suffocating.
Concrete pervaded the landscape.

Ah, home.

We went back to our old neighborhood. I saw the first home I ever owned and ever lived in and obviously I did not live there any more. Strange. Que the nostalgic music and sense of melancholy.

Along with all the great things about home, I was reminded of the graffiti, the lack of assimilation of immigrants, the smog, traffic, housing prices, the tsunami of humanity all occupying the same small area of land and everyone all wanting the same parking spot. Every one was in a hurry in L.A. and nobody was getting there very fast. After nearly three weeks of being 'home', we left to head back to Vancouver. I found myself looking forward to getting back. Not so much because I love it here, but because I no longer felt as if I truly belonged in southern California anymore.

And here is root of my problem.

It is clear to me that I don't belong here. I just don't feel as though this place will ever make enough sense to me. Based on my summer visit, I don't feel as if my old place is now where I belong. So where exactly do I fit in?

I have and will continue to make efforts to make this place less foreign to me. We will see. Folks in Portland, call my new town Vantucky becuase they perceive it to be nearly as backward as its name sake. Though my friends here, swear this place bares no resemblance to Kentucky. I suppose they lack the gift of enjoying hyperbole as much as I do. I can see how from an urban perspective this place would seem that way though.

And just when you thought this post could not get any more pedestrian.....

It is equally clear to me that I cannot go back to SoCal. I have simply become too visually accustomed to my new surroundings to exchange it for the mangled concrete mess of my homeland. There are fewer people here and I like that. Everyday life goings-on seem less hurried and relaxed. I have seen more wild life in the past year than I have seen in the previous 36 years of my life. There are three great rivers within 30 minutes of my home. I have seen an active volcano close up, walked along numerous lakes, seen four genuine bald eagles, been witness to huge Osprey pluck a salmon the size of a toddler from the Columbia river and fly off right in front of me. Racoons and squirrels frequent my back yard. There are two hawks that live in the forrest behind my home and the world's stupidest woodpecker routinely hammers away at the metal cap of my fireplace at five in the morning. I have even come face to face with a bear.

Not just that, I could not afford to return to the place of my birth from a finacial perspective. I just could not afford the housing. Our old neighborhood is not the same either. We learned recently that there was a break in robbery across the street from our old house and new people that move in are less family oriented than the neighborhood used to be. Good schools are getting harder to get into due to overcrowding.

At the same time, given the depressed nature of my wages here, the annual rise in my property taxes (no Prop. 13 here) and escalating health care costs, I don't know that I can financially afford to stay here long term either. Seriously, I cannot remember the last time money has been as tight as it is now.

What kills me is that we researched this move for years. I thought I asked all the right questions, priced the right kinds of houses. We were very, very wise with the proceeds from the sale of our last house. But alas, it seems as though I was wrong, my research insufficient. And that is what gnaws at me. I am such a cautious person, deliberate in my decision making and it appears that I may have made the wrong choice. That would be fine if my decisons merely affected me, but my family is in turn affected by my decisions. They however, still seem to love it here, especially my wife and my youngest son. Our older boy has adapted remarkably well and has made many friends in our neighborhood and at school, though I think he misses the sun more than he lets on.

It seems as though I am stuck.

Stuck in Vantucky.

Though the last 14 months have brought great upheaval, change and my questioning who I am anymore, one thing remains constant. The love of Christ and the family He has given me. At work, I may no longer be a local celebrity(yes, I'm aware of how arrogant that sounds)and I still don't understand the people, places or students here. I am still husband and father to a remarkable woman and two incredible boys. That is what endures, what remains grounding, humbling and worthwhile. I have no idea how this change in my life will ultimately end up altering who I am, but in the final analysis who I am is defined by the love I give to and recieve from the tribe that resides in my home. These three people that refine me and make me better, whole. That is what I must remember and live for.

As a child I never knew much stabiltiy in friends or family or even school so I always associated feelings of familarity and comfort with the region in which I grew up and the places I knew and a history with. That is why southern California, for all its dysfunction is so dear to me I suppose. Now that that is gone, maybe, just maybe what I always knew is even more true.

Home is not a place, but rather it is people.

If you are still reading...thanks.

Be well.

Killing the Fun

2007-01-02T19:10:00.000-08:00

I have come to the conclusion that it is time to stop blogging.

The regularity with which I have been writing has made this an inevitability.

Though I will continue to check in and comment on those in our little circle, the time has come to end my time as a digital diarist.

With two kids, working 10 hours a day at a job I'm not happy with, regret from a move gone awry and other responsibilities, I have precious little time to write and even less energy to do so.

I have simply run out of things worth saying. The few things I could write about would be of little interest or edification to others or myself for that matter.

And so it ends. I look forward to reading your blogs and sharing in what is going on in your lives.

Be well all.

Virgin

2006-08-18T14:53:00.000-07:00

Yes, it is true.

I have never been memed. Now thanks to Troy's latest post, I have been tagged.

So here goes.

1. One book that changed your life: Like those before me, I refuse to pick just one. I cannot. The obvious and Christian, but most of all honest answer is the Bible.

If I were to pick another it would have to be The Autobiography of Malcolm X. I have lived around black people all my life, my godmother is black, but this book change my world view like few books could.

2.One book that you’ve read more than once: East of Eden and Fahrenheit 451.

3.One book you’d want on a desert island: Again, besides the Bible. Probably the dictionary.

4. One book that made you laugh: Captain Underpants and the Wrath of the Wicked Wedgie Woman.

5. One book that made you cry: I have never cried while reading a book.

6. One book that you wish had been written: Something, anything written by Jesus' own hand.

7. One book that you wish had never been written: Without a doubt,it has to be Seventeenth-Century Europe: State, Conflict, and the Social Order in Europe, 1598-1700 by Thomas Munck.

The worst history book I have ever read. I hated it with a passion that burns deep inside. A travesty of the printed word.

8. One book you’re currently reading: Don't Know Much About History, Power Down: Options and Actions For a Post Carbon World, and Drive to the East.

9. One book you’ve been meaning to read: The complete transliterated New Testament.

10. Now tag five people: Alas, all the people I would have tagged have already been named. Though I do look forward to reading their responses.

Peace.

Moved

2006-08-14T22:03:00.000-07:00

One word.

A million changes.

We have lived in Vancouver, Washington for three weeks now and it still does not seem real that I have actually done this. That I have undertaken this long distance, life altering and somewhat out of character relocation.

Yes, I know that I have not moved to Neptune, but the change is significant and takes on new meaning it seems with each new experience. I am not a world traveller, though I have been to a number of different states and a couple of different countries. But this change for some reason seems more shocking to me. When I was in Austria, of course it seemed 'foreign', it was a different country. But for some reason 'different' things seem more alien here because Washington is just another state in the country in which I have lived all my life. It doesn't make sense, I know, but it doesn't make it any less real to me.

My job is unfamiliar for obvious reasons. It does not smell like I think a school should. You know, the co-mingling scents of wood, floor wax and desk cleaner. My new school is just that, new. It is only eight years old and does not even have any gum stuck to the floors yet.

Every time I go somewhere in the car, I'm constantly lost. Mapquest or not, I'm lost. It took me over a week to figure out(with the help of my wife) that the city is organized into quadrants, which is why every street, avenue, boulevard, lane or alley is labeled either 'NE' or 'SW'.

Grids people, cities are best laid out on a grid.

Most people I meet are very nice and genuinely friendly. Very un-L.A. And every third person I meet is a recovering Californian. I find that humorous. I thought I left California to get away from it. But each transplant I meet swears I'll never regret it.

The air is better up here. Every time I go to work I can see Mt. St. Helens in front of me and Mt. Hood in the review mirror. There are also a few small farms, complete with grazing cows along my commute . Imagine forests and farms all nestled in among a city of over 150,000 people. It is different here.

So far I'm the brownest person in my department. I've seen a black guy who I was told is the 'multicultural coordinator' and wrestling coach.

No, we are not in Los Angeles anymore.

But the racial composition is not some wierd thing that makes anyone feel uncomfortable. It is just the reality of this region of the nation. After all, nobody thinks it is a bad thing that you could walk all day in some parts of Mississippi or Georgia and not see a white person. Call it a historical-social-geographic happenstance.

I don't regret moving here. It is still the best thing I could have done for my family. I regret leaving my job. I had it better there and to be perfectly honest the school I was at and the department in which I chaired was a rarity of professionalism, cohesion and achievement.
But I did not make this decision for the sake of my career. If I had I would have stayed where I was and would be making $26,000 more a year.

And be sharing the same state with nearly 40 million people.

More later. Peace to all who care to read.

Be well.

The Latest From the Middle East

2006-07-16T21:59:00.000-07:00

One of Troy's recent posts prompted this post.

Troy,
You know that in general my tent is in your camp when it comes to the Israeli government.

I agree with Sandalstraps when he mentions Bush's connecting the current atrocity in Lebanon with the War on Terror, thus sanctioning Israel's response. This is the same president that linked Iraq to the War on Terror. If you give this guy enough time, he'll link the outcome of American Idol to the War on Terror.

I can't help but wonder if Bush were truly interested in promoting democracy in the Middle East, he might actually come to the defense of Lebanon. If this. . . man, knew anything about the Middle East he would never have invaded Iraq and he would know that one of the best shots at representative democracy was slowly, painfully developing in Lebanon. After a half century of French colonial rule, three decades of civil war(accelerated by Israel's activity in the 1970's), the oppressive terrorizing forces of Syria and Hezbollah, frequent incursions by Israel, not to mention the assination last year of a popularly elected Prime Minister, Lebanon was emerging as a growing stable democracy in the Middle East. Many in this nation were becoming hopeful that they might conrol their own destinies and make something for themselves.

All this seems to be obliterated with the events of the last week. It may be only a matter of time before foreign nations and more foreign terror groups return to wreak havoc on this ancient country. George W. Bush could end all of this tomorrow by making one call to Ehud Olmert and tell him that he is not getting one more dime of American money or loan guarantees, not to mention weapons or settlement construction subsidies until he stops flying sorties over civilian areas of Beirut. His doing this would send a clear signal that Israel has the right to protect itself, as does any nation, while throwing the fledgling free society in Lebanon a rope.

But he sits idle. Content in endorsing the actions of one nation, so long as it helps him perpetuate his own misguided war. What is the messgae to the world? Sandalstraps is again correct when he says the president's actions conjoin the U.S. and Israel in fighting a war on Islam at worse or insensitivity at best.

And he is the poster boy for this nation.

If George W. Bush were interested in promoting democracy in the Middle East. He might do something other than what he is doing. But alas, he is not interested in that. He is content to be in bed with misguided Christians in high places who believe that the defense of Israel at all costs is the key to hastening the return of the Lord and they are willing to do anything short of painting a cow red to hasten this return. He sleeps well while Lebanese hopes for freedom from fear die with the roar of 'precision' guided missles.

I'll say it again, the man has blood on his hands. So does the nation he leads, even the people who did not vote for him.

Pray for the Lebanese, for Israel and for us.

Peace.

The Move

2006-06-09T20:53:00.000-07:00

We're leaving.

Moving to Vancouver.

I was offered and accepted a job at a local high school. The house goes on the market June 19.

It is still so fresh, overwhelming and fantastic it almost seems surreal.

I have lived in L.A. all my life and in just eight weeks it will be just another part of my past. A new reality is located just 1,100 miles away. That's about 14 degrees north lattitude of where I am now.

Everything will be different. Smells, sights, landmarks, the schools, demographics, all new.

I broke the news thursday morning and it seems to have spread like wildfire. The last two days have been very emotionally draining and meaningful. My students, past and present have just been killing me. I was not prepared for some of their responses. Though some I'm sure are glad to see me go, I am overwhelmed by the steady flow of people coming to see me to say how much they'll miss me, some have cried, I have done my best to hold back. I have writer's cramp from signing countless yearbooks. This morning, I got to my class and found a banner draped over my door that read 'We Will Miss Mr. Marano'.

I am so humbled and unworthy of what appears to be genuine regret at my leaving. I don't know what to do with myself.

And in the midst of the mourning that I'm experiencing leaving so many good kids and friends that double as colleagues, I know I'm doing the right thing. It feels right, it happened under the right conditions, God's.

We had been agonozing about the Insanity Plan and I could not sleep. Sunday night Lori-Ann and I had a huge talk about this and we both walked away torn. I just could not leave without a job. It was too irresponsible to me, I have a family to think about. A year ago I prayed and continued to pray that if God was on board with this I would get a job. Lori-Ann could not get passed how much we wanted to leave and could not understand why God had placed this uncertainty in our hearts. She prayed that night that God would either lift this burden from us by taking away our desire to leave or that He would provide a job by friday.

Monday morning I got a message from a prinicpal at Heritage High. This was the 3rd occassion he had tried to get in touch with but kept getting sent to the wrong voicemail.

We talked. He asked if I could interview over the phone the next day. Sure, I said.

Tuesday, I get the call and the interview lasts about 40 minutes. The conference call was an interview with him and three other teachers on staff. At the end of the call he says they have the field narrowed down to four people, of which I am one. They would make a decision in the next week and he would call in a few days and let me know what is going on. I say okay and hang up.

About five minutes later, the phone rings. It's the principal and he says " I was going to try to wait a day, but the other teachers said if I did not hire you immediately, they would kill me."

Needless to say, I accepted.

We're hoping to be gone by the end of July. Please pray for smooth transitions for our family and safety as I drive a 14 foot U-Haul over 1,000 miles.

Thanks Scott for all yoour help and prayers and to everyone else who has been praying our family throught this.

And, Tim, thanks for call. It helped.

Peace to all.

The Insanity Plan

2006-05-31T22:18:00.000-07:00

It is called the Insanity Plan because that is just what it is.

For those of you who read this humble blog with some regularity, you may recall that we have wanted to leave L.A. for some time and move to the Vancouver area.

Those desires have only increased with time. Especially since our return from our vacation last month.

The Insanity Plan calls for us just packing up and leaving. Moving. No jobs, just leaving.

Don't get me wrong, I have applied to a number of districts in the area and it seems once I get up there I may not have a problem getting steady work as a substitute teacher if I do not land a full time job before the next school year begins.

We would make an absurd amount of money from the sale of our house. Somewhere in the neighborhood of four years pay. Clear profit.

This whole thing is insane because I would be leaving a tenured position at one of our better high schools where I am department chair and occassionally receive some of the benefits that come with all of the above.

If we moved, we would have no jobs, though my wife and I have decided that if we did move, she would stay home for at least a year with the kids and use the time to get her fibro under control.

No health insurance (we would have to purchase our own if I did not get a job by next fall).

I would be only giving one month's notice.

I have a bit of a reputation with my students that I would miss.

I would be losing the retirement time I have built up with the state retiremnt program. Washington's benefits are only half of what California's is.

In essence, I would be starting over. As if I was a twenty something new teacher. Only I'm 36, have a wife, two kids and a mortgage.

And yet, I can't help thinking getting out of L.A. under almost any circumstances might be good for my family in the long run.

I'm especially motivated by the prospect of my wife getting healthier, for she has been steadily going downhill for the past two years.

When I think of leaving, after I get past the mourning, I actually get a little excited that I would also be leaving behind all the B.S. that exists at my school. True, I would be trading it for new B.S. at another school. But at least it would be new B.S.

It is ugly here. It is pretty there.

Aside from my family and my job, I'm not really attached to anything here. My family is transportable.

And this reallt seems to be the year to fish or cut bait. With the housing market slowing and fuel prices going up, my real estate friends tell me that my house will never be worth this much again anytime soon. This seems to be the year that if it is going to happen, itneeds to because time is not on our side.

I can't recall anything recently that I have been this torn up about.

The adventurer in me says go.

The kid in me who grew up on welfare says "you idiot, you don't leave one job unless you already have another one to replace it."

My wife has had her bags packed for years.

Please pray for us.

Peace and good health to all.

In Their Honor

2006-05-29T13:19:00.000-07:00

I took my oldest boy to a Memorial Day service this morning.

We talked about what the day means and why it was important to remember and honor those who have died serving our armed forces.

I hope he got it.

Anyway, being surrounded by the ceremony and colors of service, it reminded me of my trip to Arlington National Cemetary when I was in Washington D.C. two weeks ago. This is the most memorable picture I took that day. It seems appropriateon this occassion.

The procession was heading toward the newest area of the cemetary.

Where the bury the dead from the Iraq War.

Nothing on CNN could be more compelling and powerful. My students were absolutely speechless as we watched it go by.

Pray for the families of our armed forces.

Peace to all.

Mother's Day

2006-05-11T20:38:00.000-07:00

My Love,

It is my sincerest hope that I demonstrate to you every day how much I value, appreciate and admire your mothering our children. I cannot imagine raising two children with any other person. Your innate skill at shepharding our children, our family never stops amazing me. While I'm still trying to figure out the basics, you seem to be writing the advanced users manual of parenting. I'm so glad we have you.

I want to thank you for all that your very presence means to this family. It is no exaggeration when I say that the three of us would be lost without you. Thank you for giving me two of the most brilliant children on the face of this earth. Everything that is good about them comes from you. From Dominic's creativity, love of reading and strong will to Aidan's love of cuddling, sensitivty and independance. They have you to thank for all these wonderful attributes.

But it is not just them that you have to parent at times.

Sadly, I still have so much growing up to do myself, that you are saddled with finishing the job that I have never completed. Thank you for being patient with me.

Though at times you may feel as though you are failing, be assured that nothing could be further from the truth. I have seen motherhood fail, you my dear are the polar opposite. When I consider certain circumstances and weigh your reactions to mine and see the instictive skill you possess as a parent. . .it is humbling. You make me want to be a better father for the sakle of our boys.

In my heart, 'thank you' is not enough, but it is a start. We have a lifetime left for me to show you how truly great a mom you are and for you to see you are making two fine young men by being the best mom they could ever hope for.

Happy Mother's Day.

Decompression

2006-04-22T20:30:00.000-07:00

I have decided to rename Spring Break, Decompression Week.

This is the week that I have cast off the woes and responsibilities of being a teacher, department chair, club sponsor, curriculum leader, etc. and decided to do absolutely nothing so that I have the strength to retun to work on Monday and get through the remaining eight manic weeks of the school year. Seriously, I brought work home with me last week but have refused to do it. It is still sitting in the trunk of my car. Ha! Take that you albatross of my profession.

We spent most of the week in Vancouver. We saw great friends, had some really good Moroccan food, had wonderful PNW weather and generally had an awesome trip. It has been six years since we have gone anywhere and I can't imagine a better excursion.

In fact, while we were up there I attended a job fair in the hopes of landing employment that would make a possible move there a whole lot easier. For the last ten years there has been a huge part of us that has wanted to live in Washington, maybe now is the time. We would make an obscene amount of money off of our house, my wife would be able to take a couple of years off work and get her fibro under control, we like the weather, the scenery is astounding, there are not as many people there as there is in L.A., it is cleaner in Vancouver with an eye towards conservation, there are plenty of outdoor activities when the weather is ripe and we would be able to buy twice the house we currently have.

Could this happen? We will see.

Please pray.

Peace and love to all who care to read.

Warning Sign

2006-03-30T20:41:00.000-08:00

I work a lot.

I've admitted here before that I'm a workaholic.

But this morning, I think it may have finally hit home.

I rolled into my classroom this morning, I won't tell you what time, I'll just say it was about an hour before sunrise. I went over to one of my workstations to login to print some reports I need for a staff development session I'm hosting this weekend. Now as department chair, I have 'special' access to certain servers that contain sensitive information, like test data and so forth, so I had to access one of our district servers to print said reports.

Upon logging in the first time, I got an error message that read 'Unable to log in at this time'. Thinking it was just another digital mishap, the pitfalls of working with a PC, I attempted to login again.

Same message; 'Unable to log in at this time'. Hmmm. Surely it must be a glitch somewhere downtown. So I try one last time.

New error message; 'You are trying to log on at an unauthorized time. Try again later.' Oh.

Then it dawned on me what the computer was really saying.

'You are trying to log on at an unauthorized time.'

Translation. . . Hey stupid, it's too damn early to be at work. It's so early even the computers are not awake. Come to think of it, the custodians are not even here yet. Why aren't you home in bed?

I think I officially work too much.

No Words

2006-03-15T19:07:00.000-08:00

There is a special place in Hell for these people.

http://www.cnn.com/2006/LAW/03/15/childporn.arrests/index.html

Life With A Two Year Old 2.0

2006-03-05T20:09:00.000-08:00

Today was my youngest's first day of official Sunday School. Here is the craft that was the culmination of the lesson.

I'm guessing that based on the theme, this was supposed be a flower, thus smelling the flower would remind the brood of two year olds to be thankful for their noses.

They are just so cute at this age I could just die.

Peace to all.

Life With A Two Year Old

2006-02-14T15:53:00.000-08:00

I went to the refrigerator today to grab a snack and was greeted by this little fella.

I know I didn't put it there.

There really never is a dull moment around here.

On Free Speech, the Internet and Myspace

2006-01-29T17:04:00.001-08:00

I want to thank Scott for opening up this topic here.

Dude, this little article goes to the core of a variety of issues involving the internet, education and free speech. I have a myspace because my students hounded me for months to get one as a means to communictae with me. Some of them even created a discussion group for one of my classes that has actually been useful and fun.

Having said that I will also say that the myspace phenomenon has become a great evil. Myspace was originally created two years ago as a means for singles to hook up and meet new people. It was subsequently hijacked by the teen age sub-culture. For some students it is just another medium to talk online, post pictures(many of them inappropriate), post artwork or poetry, etc. In some way, for a very small percentage of young people it is a creative forum. But, by its very nature it has become a dangerous forum because some kids post very personal and very specific information online that is a sexual predators dream come true.

All of this is to say that what the student in the article did does not surprise me. Nothing a high school studentdoes surprises me anymore. What the kid did was wrong, stupid, disrespectful and inapropriate. Suspension from school and from internet access on campus sounds more appropriate., maybe even a transfer to a different school but not to an 'alternative' school, those are bad news. As far as how negatively that affects his immediate future. . .well, he should have thought about that before he did what he did.

You have not been on your side of the lectern too long. The kids are getting worse, less sophisticated and more uncouth. I correct myself, there a still good kids out there, but many of them know no boundaries or sense of right and wrong. I'm only 36 and I can say that honestly. I know every generation complains about the one behind it, and on some level it is true, but I've talked with esteemed colleagues that have seen more change than I and they concur.

Recently, one of my colleagues, a decent man with a wife and kids, unbeknownst to him had a myspace created in his name. He is freaked out that this kind of freedom in the hands of juveniles could damage his career. What if this nefarious teen decides to start hitting on young girls online under his name? The mere investigation that would ensue could ruin his career. Any good parent knows that you afford freedoms to young people as they demonstrate responsible behavior. The challenge of the internet is that it affords unlimited freedom, even the freedom to potentially ruin careers, to young people that may not have the wisdom to exercise that responsibility.

You are not wrong in your assessment of the events described in the article. Perhaps the school went a little too far, but not much. Teenage hijinks in the past was limited in scope and effect on the victim. With the technology afforded by the 21st century, the consequences for the victim can be long lasting and far reaching. With that in mind, perhaps the consequences for the perpetrators should be just as far reaching and long lasting. Maybe eventually, people of all ages will recognize the immense responsiblity that comes with the gift of technology.

Oh, and by the way, I'm deleting my myspace tomorrow.

Peace.

Fourteen Years Ago Today

2006-01-18T20:52:00.000-08:00

Fourteen years ago today I became the luckiest man in the world.

After two kids, three degrees, two teaching credentials, a mortgage, caring for an ailing parent, health issues and occassional financial perils, I still can't wait to see what lies ahead.

Peace and love to all.

Walking Down The Aisle and The Years

2006-01-13T20:59:00.000-08:00

I keep in touch via email with a small number of my students once they have graduated. I recently received an email from a female student of mine who graduated several years ago.

She was letting me know that she just got engaged and how happy she was. I returned the message with sincere congratulations and good wishes. But as I typed, I could not help but think she seemed a little young to be getting married.

Then I did the math.

She was sixteen when she was my student. That was seven years ago.

Oh my.

I'm officially old enough to have former students getting married. I'm approaching fossildom at lightning speed.

What I've Learned

2006-01-08T20:06:00.000-08:00

Maybe it is because I'm feeling good today, or maybe it is because I turned 36 eleven days ago. But I began reflecting on life and wisdom in general today. When I was 15, I honestly thought I would have been dead by now, but gladly that prophecy turned out to be false. It got me thinking about who I am, what I am and what life has taught me thus far.

So, here is a short list of things I ve learned about myself and or life so far. The list is brief, for alas, I still have so much to learn.

I am the chief of sinners, more in need of Jesus with every passing hour.

Loving my wife comes as naturally as breathing.

Being a parent is the hardest thing I've ever undertaken.

A good friend is worth their weight in gold, diamonds and anything else that is precious.

There are some things in life that just are not worth worrying about.

I'm a work-aholic.

You can't go back and change a lousy childhood, but you can make the children in your life happy and loved.

The sting of losing someone in death does not go away with time.

I'm addicted to coffee.

I would not want to live in a world without books or music.

I'm a sucker for Christmas lights. They just make me smile.

I hate L.A.

Busy people aren't more important, they are just busy.

Things may not always look better in the morning. But be thankful that you woke up.

The sound of my boys laughing is the best remedy for a bad day.

How you spend your time defines who you are.

I'm doing exactly what I should be doing with my life.

May God grant me the years to grow in wisdom and knowledge.

Be well.

Starry Night

2005-12-23T15:49:00.000-08:00

And there were shepherds living out in the fields nearby, keeping watch over their flocks at night. An angel of the Lord appeared to them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them, and they were terrified. But the angel said to them, "Do not be afraid. I bring you good news of great joy that will be for all the people. Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you; he is Christ the Lord. This will be a sign to you: You will find a baby wrapped in cloths and lying in a manger."

Suddenly a great company of the heavenly host appeared with the angel, praising God and saying,

"Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace to men on whom his favor rests."

What does love look like?

The image of a humble child, in a makeshift cradle, born to impoverished parents.

God become man for the sake of the fallen and broken.

Whenever I read this passage, especially at this time of year, I find myself more aware every year of exactly what this holiday truly represents. It is not about what kind of presents I give or receive, whether I was able to get free shipping from Amazon on my purchases in time for delivery by December 23 or if I finally figure out how to get the timer for the Christmas lights to work correctly. It isn't even about me, it is about God.

Having seen the brokenness of his children, despite our rebellion, sin and seeking ourselves rather than Him, he came to us. I can't even get my head around that concept at times. I try to compare it to times when others have wronged me. Having been injured, could I come to that person and initiate the process of healing, forgiveness and restoration? But that is what God has done only on a cosmic level. He initiated the healing of the world, regardless of our transgressions. He came to us. Glory to God in the highest for he is able to do what no person could do.

Not only has he come, but he came in the most humble of circumstances, modeling the humility and generousity that should be the hallmarks of his people. Is that the kind of person I am? Hardly, though I pray to become that kind of man. What must it have been like to give up all that, to walk this earth, in this skin? I was talking about this very thing with my oldest boy last night and we were both amazed at the thought. I told him Jesus coming here and giving up everything would be kind of like us agreeing to give up our nice, warm, safe house and live in a cardboard box on Skid Row just so some homeless people we've never met could live in our house. We both just stared at each other in wonder.

And he came for me and you, all of us. He came that I might be rescued from the self destructive life and spirit that I had created for myself. He came that I might know the sweetness of his grace in more ways than I can count. He came that I might know what a real family is like. But that is not all. He lay in a manger, not just so I could be safe in the knowledge of my own salvation. He came so that I, we, would be agents of his kingdom. That we would bring the kingdom of God to those who can not see it for themselves. Not that we would preach with brimstone and condemnation, but that we would reach the hungry with bread, the sick with medicine and oppressed with justice. Though he is interested me, he is equally interested in what he can do through me, for the sake of his kingdom and the saving of all who would believe.

This means my family is not mine, but his. My job, not mine, but his. That he may use my station in life to save a girl from cutting herself, or show to inner city young men on a daily basis that a man can be civilized without appearing weak and that the only thing truly free in life is grace. Those are the gifts I can give. I can give myself, all that I have to his kingdom. Just a s he did.

Pray that I would.

Merry Christmas friends.

Captain Bladder Control and Attack of the Orange Beasties

2005-12-17T21:12:00.000-08:00

This is how my Saturday morning went.

I had to wake up early to take my son to his first of four soccer games this weekend because his team is in a tournament. The game started at 8:30. No fear, the boy was up at 5:30. On a Saturday!

Anyway, he and I piled in the car after I had consumed two cups of caffienated courage. I poured myself a third in a commuter mug that I took with me. We arrived at the game, the team did some drills and soon it was time to take to the field for the game. The oppossing team showed up late.

Que the ominous music.

These kids were huge. Draped in flourescent orange jersies and attitudes to match. Their smallest kid was as big as our biggest kid. When they walked across the field, I swear the ground shook. I almost dropped my coffee. One kid on their team yawned right before kickoff and a flock of birds in a nearby tree took flight. Another kid was shaving as the ref read aloud the rules of game play.

As the game progressed, it was obvious my son's team did not stand a chance. But they were playing their hearts out. The Orange Beasties, as I came to call them, were all over the field, blocking the sun from the humungous shadow they cast across the field. They were fouling left and right but apparently the ref was either blind or on the take. I mean this guy was missing calls that Stevie Wonder could see. Twenty minutes into the game panic set in. Those three cups of coffee I mentioned, had finally hit. I needed to pee more than Nick and Jessica needed counseling.

I looked across the field and noticed there was a public restroom conveniently located nearby. I jogged over to it as the Orange Beasties had scored their 37th goal, determined to make it back in time for halftime to console my boy. I get there and find that though my tax dollars have paid for the construction and maintenance of said restroom it is locked up tight and thus not available when I need it most. I hurry back to the field just in time to tell my son what a great job he was doing and to make sure that he hydrates before the game resumes. The entire time, my head is literally pounding from my struggle to not think about the fact that at any moment, I could wet my pants in the brisk 53 degree morning. After some whinning about the oppossing team and their tactics, my son takes the field with his team and the game resumes. I quickly scanned my immediate surroundings and noticed that there was a Walgreens within walking distance. Surely, they must have a restroom. After leaving word with a team mom that I trusted as to my whereabouts I sprinted across the field toward lavatory liberation. By the way, running does not help when you have three large cups of coffee tap dancing on your bladder. As I made my way to the intersection, I could hear the congratulatory yells of parents on the opposing team. My poor son. Oh, well, that will have to wait. At this point I have to pee so bad my vision is literally blurred.

Once inside the Walgreens I made my way to the back of the store and I ask for someone to open the door to the restroom. Three days later, someone finally gets back there and as he unlocks the door mentions that the restroom is only for paying customers. At which time I mentioned that I would buy everything in the store and marry his ugliest daughter if he would just let me go pee. He did. The wedding is next Thursday.

Once business was taken care of and my vision restored, I headed back to the game with fifteen brutal minutes left. Soon after I got back my son had possession of the ball and was moving it down field. I was cheering him on. It looked good. Then, an Orange Beastie came out of nowhere. This kid was so big, he had his own zip code. The Beastie attacked my son, got the ball away from him and knocked him down in the mud. The ref was nowhere to be found. My boy got up, brushed himself off and ran after the Beastie to get the ball back.

We lost. We lost badly. I don't even want to mention the final score. I will say at least my son's team scored so it wasn't a blowout. Next time I'm asking for a urine sample from the oppossing team. After the game, my son and I limped back to my car. I told him how proud I was of the game he played and he vented his frustrations. As we got in the car he said he could not wait for the afternoon game. Then he asked. "Dad, where is your coffee mug?"

I does not matter son. I don't want to see it again. Ever.

And it was only 10 a.m.

Be well all.

What Guys Talk About

2005-12-09T22:51:00.000-08:00

I don't think I'm breaking any code of silence here with this post.

I normally don't hang out with guys because:

a. I don't have time to hang out with anybody
b. Most of the guys I want to communicate with I already do through blog
c. once guys start talking sports I might as well be gay because I have no idea what they are
talking about nor do I care. Unlike a gay guy I don't even care about the tight fitting
uniforms the players wear.

Anyway, tonight I was invited by a guy from my church over to his house with some other guys from our bible study to just hang out. I knew all the guys there so it wasn't a big deal. It sounded like fun. Once everyone got there and got settled in people started talking.

You know what guys talk about?

Yeah, a little sports talk, but in general these guys at least talked about:

Their wives. In positive, generous terms.

Their kids. How they wish they didn't work so much and what a hard time their wife was having getting their newborn to nurse or what to do about their boy running through the house naked all the time.

Their jobs. How they hate it and how it takes time away from the things they really care about. Or if they love thier jobs, how rewarding to feel productive and valued (maybe not in those exact terms).

The upcoming vasectomy. Enough said.

How their ailing parent was doing or the most recent tribulation involving a troubled sibling.

Their finances. How to save more and get the most out of their retirement plans.

The anxiety of trying to decide when to buy a home.

Music.

Home improvement projects.

I was pleasantly surprised at how the night went. It seems men are three dimensional after all.

There were some things discussed that should be kept confidential. As it is with girl talk. Then again, any truly wise man does not want to know what girls talk about.

Peace and good health to all.

Of Matrimony and Pasta Sauce

2005-12-02T20:58:00.000-08:00

I love food.

I love my wife.

I reflected on both over dinner tonight.

You see, my wife and I are both Italian, though she is only half and the wrong kind of Italian to boot. But that is a story for another post. Anyhow, when we first got married we both had very different ways of making that staple of Italian cuisine, pasta sauce. When she first made hers for me, I immediately recognized how different it was from mine. It was good, but it wasn't quite right in my paradigm of cooking. After tasting my sauce for the first time I got the distinct impression she felt the same way. It was good, just very different and completely foreign in some ways.

For a few years I tried to get her to see how she was cooking her sauce wrong and how I was doing it right. In my defense, she did the same to a lesser degree. We would take turns making it just to show the other one up in a very loving, fun and yet mildly competitive manner. We often joked that we should have a dinner party and do blind taste tests among our guests to see whose sauce was better. After we had kids, we had our guinea pigs. Turned out to be a tie.

As the years went on something began to happen. Whenever it was her turn to cook the sauce, I would sneak a little of my own seasoning or add a little extra oregano or garlic while we were in the kitchen talking and enjoying the aroma therapy of a good Italian kitchen on a Sunday. Likewise, whenever I cooked she would nuzzle up to me and playfully add a little extra wine or gently ask me to cook the sausage a little longer before I added the tomatoes. And I would because I began to think nothing of it and so loved having her close to me. Slowly, I noticed that over time I was adding less garlic and using more wine. She was putting in more oregano and a smidge more garlic.

What was true of our relationship, was true in our Sunday sauce. We were becoming blended. The two very different people who were still maintaining vestiges of their independence while merging into a married couple were slowly, beautifully creating a new pasta sauce that was a reflection of their union. Now if you are actually still reading, you may be confused. You have to understand that to a proper Italian food is life so this makes perfect sense to me. Food is a metaphor as was our cooking a metaphor for our marriage. I came to realize that my sauce was better with more red wine and really well cooked sausage just like my life was so much better with her. What was once very two different things has merged into something that is better, sweeter and stronger. Yes, I know longer recognize my own sauce from hers, it just doesn't matter. What there is now is so much better than before.

Tonight we had chicken cacciatore. As I sat across from my bride this evening at dinner, while the baby was crying "all done!" and my oldest was talking about his cello lesson I looked at her as I ate. I was acutely aware of how much better my life and my cooking is because of her. It has been a long week. She has not been feeling well lately and I've been working too much. Still, there is this closeness, intimacy if you will that pervades my thinking whenever I think of her. With every bite I could detect a kick of oregano and a stronger hint of red wine. Two flavors blended together. Good by themselves. Better together. Just like us.

Peace and good food to all.

Mob Rule

2005-11-30T21:27:00.000-08:00

I work in a school located in the most cultural diverse city in the nation according to Newsweek magazine.

The school at which I teach is home to 4,352 students.

For the last two days at lunch there have been a number of incidents. Some might call them mini-riots. I prefer the term student unrest.

We have had 9 police squad cars and 11 sheriffs on campus each of the last two days with helicopters circling during lunch and after school as a result of the violence.

Eight students have been arrested and 11 have been expelled. Someone pulled a gun yesterday.

Worst of all, the unrest has been racially motivated.

Please pray for the students, staff and administration at my school.

Peace.

Family Foto

2005-11-27T20:30:00.000-08:00

If they can land a man on the moon, you'd think they would be able to remove the glare from my balding head.

Oh well, cute kids, hot chick.

Giving Thanks

2005-11-24T11:35:00.000-08:00

As I contemplate yet another dinner roll, here is a short list of just some of the things I am thankful for.

The transforming grace of God and the salvation that can be found in Christ alone

My beautiful, talented, strong wife and best friend

The two little men in my life that constantly challenge my resolve and teach me new things about myself frequently

Surviving that drug overdose in 1988

A job that is both a career and a ministry

An extended family of in-laws that I look forward to spending time with

Friends

Books

Music

My students. 1,496 and counting.

Oh yeah and Doritos, Rice-aRoni, beer, coffee, ice cream and Mexican food in general.

Happy Thanksgiving everyone.

Murder, Revisited

2005-11-18T21:40:00.000-08:00

Sherry,

I was going to comment on your comment on my last post, but I was afraid that due to my long winded nature that a post would be a better move.

Thank you for your well researched and well written comment on my concerns regarding the recent bison hunt news story from Yahoo. In short, my problem is with unnecessary hunting in general. I do not regard hunters in a stereotypical way. Based on your comments, I'm afraid you might think that I do, so I want to clarify that straightaway.

The bison hunt outrages me so much because it just isn't necessary. Rules aside, I have a problem with the whole thing. In very few cases, I imagine even in Montana, though it is one of the nation's poorest states, is hunting an essential element to daily survival. There are exceptions to everything however. If a person were starving and had the means to procure meat for their survival, that is a different story. This is just 'sport'. Unnecessary. Even in the hunting culture in which you live, the hunting of bison itself is probably not a necessary means 'to feed their families in an economical, socially responsible way'. What is the purpose of this? This particular hunt has no purpose. What it does do however is feed into the fallacy of man as doers of whatever we want, to whatever we want. Let me be clear, if my family was starving and I had a gun and a buffalo were standing in front of me, he would be dinner that night. I don't have a problem survival hunting, especially when the game in question is abundant in number. I occassionally go fishing. Hunting with a hook. No problem.

You are correct, I'm no vegitarian. I love beef, chicken, fish, pork you name it. I don't care to address the issue because I frankly don't care if people eat meat, vegetables or themselves. My outrage is not at meat eating or the great state of Montana. I never directed my frustration at either one. The other Western states should be equally exposed I suppose, your state just seems to have been unlucky in the news coverage.

You are also correct that the bison, especially in your neck of the woods is not an endagered species...anymore. What is the logic here? As soon as a creature that has escaped extinction is out of the woods, we have the right to start hunting it again? My outrage also extends to the historical brutality this whole thing conjures up. You and I know both know the role the near extinction of buffalo played in the U.S. governments plans of moving Native Americans from their land. Kill the buffalo, you kill the Native. People more liberal than I consider that an act of genocide, I do not. But I am reminded of history and the symbolic role buffalo played in the settling of the west and the diminishing of Native peoples. The recovery of some bison populations is supposed to represent American penance, our learning from our mistakes. And as soon as it becomes numerically possible, we fall back into old patters. That kind of mentality sickens me. I'm sorry, history haunts me.

As far as the cattle industry goes, it is abhorrent. But it is what it is. Those animals have a purpose, to be consumed. Just like the 'live' Christmas tree I buy every year, it is raised with one particular goal in mind, to find its way into my home. As a side note, our family frequently buys free range meat.

I do not care if the boy who bagged the first bison missed a school day or not. I don't believe I voiced outrage at that either and I'm not sure what his being a good shot has to do with legitimately missing a school day. Parents have the right to do whatever they want with their kids, including taking them out of school for a good ol' bison hunt or to take them to LegoLand for the day.

Though some of your statements border on hostile, I think I understand where you are coming from and I certainly know you don't mean them in that way. Such are the limitations of digital communication.

Here is my question, do we have to kill everything? Why can't we leave some things alone? It is a uniquely American perspective that when it comes to the environment(including wildlife) that we have this perogative, nay, mandate to subdue to the point of extinction whatever we want. (I know the sophisticated people who read this blog will not bombard me with biblical references that are out of context) . For me, that is where my outrage comes from with this most recently publicized bison hunt. This hunt represents this larger human deficiency and arrogance that just drives me nuts.

Thank you for you intelligence and friendship.

Peace.

Murder

2005-11-15T20:50:00.000-08:00

From Yahoo news.

GARDINER, Mont. - Montana's first bison hunt in 15 years opened at sunrise Tuesday, with a 17-year-old boy bagging the first buffalo within 90 minutes.

The hunt, aimed at thinning the bison population near Yellowstone National Park, came after years of protests from animal rights activists.

State and federal officials say the hunt will help manage a population that has grown to an estimated 4,900 animals, more than some fear the area can support. Some ranchers also worry that some diseased bison could spread illness to cattle.

George Clement, a teenager who took the day off from school, killed the first bison near Gardiner. Officials later confirmed a second bison was killed on private property near the park's western boundary.

Montana's last bison hunt was in 1990. Other hunts since then were canceled because of protests over the way wardens would lead each hunter to an animal, which was then shot at close range, often while peacefully grazing.

This year, there are new limits. For example, wildlife officials cannot tell hunters where bison have wandered outside the park, and no more than 50 bison overall can be killed during the three-month season.

Fifty hunting licenses — entitling hunters to kill one bison each — were made available.

Animal-rights activists were on hand with cameras as Clement and his companions skinned the animal where it fell. State wildlife officials also were out in force to monitor the hunt and protesters.
Wildlife officials said they expected many hunters to stay home on the season's opening day.

"I've had a lot of hunters say to me, 'We're going to stay away. We don't want the attention,'" said Mel Frost, a spokeswoman for the state Department of Fish, Wildlife and Parks.

Where is the sport in shooting a passive animal, that has recovered from the brink of oblivion, at point blank range? How can this be condoned? If there are too many of them, can't they be relocated? We spend billions every year making sure energy companies get undeserved tax breaks. What could it cost to transplant a few bison.

We suck.

The Best of a Decade?

2005-11-12T21:40:00.000-08:00

So, my eight year old was scrolling through my iPod today and noticed one of my playlists was titled 'Essentially 80s'. Once I defined our terms, he asked about music when I was a kid and we talked for a while. His reaction made me think of Scott's recent post with his oldest.

Anyway, being the good little absolutist that he is, he eventually asked what the best song of the 1980's was. I initially looked at him in dismay, not knowing how to respond. I guess I really had not thought about a best song of the decade in which so much of my life was formed. I'm not even sure it is possible. It got me thinking though.

This is where you come in. Given my vast readership(he laughs), I thought I would pose my progeny's query to you. In your humble opinion, what is the best song of the 1980's?

Don't worry, if you can't pick one, give me a few.

Thanks for playing. Peace.

Taking Me Back

2005-11-05T22:26:00.000-08:00

Do you remember the Three Investigators?

When I was eight years old I delighted in the adventures of Jupiter Jones, Pete Crenshaw and Bob Andrews. I thought these guys were so cool because they were smart and adults were always blown away by their intelligence and courage, especially Jupe.

Anyway, I recently bought a copy of one of my favorites in the hopes of getting my oldest boy to read it with me. When I recieved the book a couple of days ago he did not seem very interested, even after I enthusiastically described the premise of the series.

Well, he has had a bad week. Behaviorally, he is having a difficult time adjusting to his two best friends being relocated to a new school. This has translated into issues in the classroom and at home. And to make it worse, his soccer team got destroyed in their game this morning.

On Friday and Saturday nights we let him stay up an extra half hour passed his bedtime to read in our room. As a 'treat'. He gets to spread out on the big bed and prop himself up with all the pillows his mother swears are accent pieces and cuddle under the warmth of our down comforter. Well, tonight he mentioned it is too bad that he had to read alone. Talk about your signals. I immediately asked him if he would like it if I read with him and he said yes. When I asked him what he wanted to read he said, "How about the Three Investigators?". Yes!!

As I opened the book I mentioned to him that it was actually written a year before I was born, to which he said, "So this is an old book, huh?". Smile creeping across his face. We laid down on the bed, scrunched up some pillows and plowed through the first six chapters. When I stopped he asked for one more chapter. How can you say no?

When we were done I asked him to wash up, brush his teeth and hop into bed. A few minutes later I walked out of the kitchen to be greeted by him. He asked if I would tuck him in, something that he has not asked for in a while. We climbed into his bed and cuddled under his blankets.

He asked, "Dad, is El Diablo a real person in history?"

"No son, it is just a story in a book."

"Well, it's an interesting book, very suspenseful."

He grabbed my arms and drew himself closer to me. A few minutes later I felt the slow release of his grip as he drifted off to sleep. I lay there for a while, in my own state of half sleep, listening to the symphony of sounds of my boys sleeping, wondering how much better it could possibly get and promising myself to remember this moment during the week when things get crazy and the kids are driving me nuts. This is the sweetness of life.

Be well friends.

Halloween '05

2005-11-04T21:03:00.000-08:00

Thinking About Israel

2005-10-26T21:32:00.000-07:00

In a recent post, Tim brought up some of the tragic events occurring in Israel and challenged his readers to think about Israel. . . So I did. Here goes.

I am fully aware that the majority of the Christian community will disagree with my perception of the Middle East. But please bear in mind that my 'perception' is based on history, and the ideals of mercy and justice for all. Let me explain.

I agree that Hamas, Hezbollah, Al Qaeda, et al should be eradicated. And I would support the Sharon tyranny if that was what he was doing. But it is not. He is targeting the averagePalestinian as well. Bulldozing houses of accused collaborators and the homes of their familiy members, leaving those who had nothing to do with terrorism homeless and helpless. This includes small children and the elderly. The problem with this policy is that it throws the baby out with the bath water. You punish the guilty as well as the innocent. This is just not right. I will go further and say that Israel has a right to defend itself and was right to fight back in all the attacks from Arab nations in the past. I am even glad they won. But Isarel's behavior over the last 35 years is in many ways indefensible.

I draw the line in 1967. After the Six Day War, Israel took territory from Jordan, Syria and Egypt. The U.N. ruled and the U.S. supported the resolution calling on the formation of a Palestinian state from those lands and that Israel would be violating international law by colonizing it. Palestinians used to live on the land that is now Israeli strip malls and housing developments. Sharon, the father of the settlement movement, has taken land that was internationally set aside for Palestinian development. The Palestinians were under the 'care' of Jordan and Egypt in the West Bank and Gaza until a formal Palestinian state could be formed. Unfortunately the Arab states attacked Israel several times before that could be done. The Arabs should not have attacked Israel. Israel had the right to defend itself. Sharon does not have the right to violate international law. After all, this guy commanded troops which were responsible for taking Jerusalem from under the United Nations authority in the Six Day War. This was after they had previously voted to allow the U.N. to administer it as an international city, open to all.

Furthermore, if Sharon were really interested in peace he would be building his defensive wall along the pre-1967 border known as theGreen line. He is not. After 1967, the conservative party, led by Sharon spearheaded the settler movement to consciously movePalestinians off land that they had occupied as long as the Israelis had in their absence. Sharon figured that once there were too manyIsraelis in the West Bank, you couldn't move them off. Guess what, he was right. Yes, he ordered 7,000 Israelis out of Gaza. Good start. Besides, Israel has never had an historical claim to Gaza in the first place. Palestinians have.

To make sweeping generalizations about the people in the region is shortsighted. We cannot lump all Palestinians into one group. Just like some Islamic fundamentalist should not lump all Americans into one evil category. I'm not saying that many Palestinians like Israelis. But by this point in the game, many more just want Israelis off their land so they can build something of a state. They want stability and leadership among their people and they too, probably want to see an end to terrorism. Some Christians believe that the media skews things against Israel. I submit the Christian community turns a blind eye to the harsh treatment of the average Palestinian and then blindly supports Sharon and his regime. I am fully aware of God's promises to Israel. I'm also fully aware that the Diaspora happened for a reason. Please remember that modern day Israelis are not living for God anymore now than the Palestinians we so easily condemn. Sharon is not a religious man, neither are the majority of Israelis. In times past God has blessed and will continue to bless Israel when they lived for him. However, while God will always preserve them doesn't mean He supports their aggression or doesn't mean they will inhabit part of the land they were promised. I understand and defend the idea that Israel should defend itself. But in part, Israel needs to stop doing the things that perpetuate terror like bulldozing Palestinian homes to make way for a new Starbucks or building new tracts housing where Palestinians have been living for centuries. There is no new mandate from God for any of these things that I can see in Scripture.

I am not defending terrorism. But I do refuse to blindly support the Sharon government and condone its behavior. Our tax dollars go to help build those settlements. When Arabs see Israelis driving American made Caterpillar bulldozers, they rightly make Americans complicit in Israeli crimes. We should be ashamed of ourselves, yet many never give it a thought. Not surprising from a country that never thinks about the thousands of deaths it is responsible for in Iraq. Why should we care as long as we can continue to watch TV, surf the web, go to McDonalds and drink lattes until we puke?

Knowing history the way I do and current events the way I do, I'm sorry I cannot support what is going on. I don't know how anyone can. We need to know our Scripture and some history as well as get our news from several different places around the world.

Would God approve of Israel's treatment of the Palestinian people? I don't know, God will do what God will do and my job is to be thankful that I am a recipient of his Grace. May God bring peace to both Israelis and Palestinians.

Be well.

What I'm Afraid of. . .

2005-10-21T23:10:00.000-07:00

I honestly don't live in fear. But it has been a bad week, it's late, I don't feel good about my students right now and I'm tired.

So, here is the short list. I'm afraid of:

Getting to the end of my life and realize that I never became the man God wanted me to be.

Not being the husband my wife deserves.

The prospect of raising two boys into the right kind of men.

Being irrelevant.

My students not learning.

Being average.

Being department chair, and liking it too much.

Apathy.

Ignorance.

George W. Bush.

Courageous people falling silent and cowards becoming more vocal.

Forgetting how to laugh at myself.

Taking myself too seriously.

Forgetting past lessons learned.

The volume level on my iPod.

Waking up one day, be 40, and not know where the hell the years went.

California.

Being stuck in California.

Ah, to ramble on my own cyber-talk radio show.

Peace to all.

Word of Mouth

2005-10-15T12:00:00.000-07:00

Here is a list of words my 19 month old can say:

more
mine
no
cup
baff(as in bath)
fish
star
chicken (though it comes out 'chichen')
nigh nigh(bedtime)
budder (in reference to his older brother)
mommy
dada
papa
gam'ma
ouside(when he wants to go outside)
bed
door
chair
buzz (as in the Buzz Lightyear toy he carries around frequently)
cacker
book
cow
bear
circle
oval
something that almost sounds like 'triangle'
house
truck
shoes
sock
hand
eyes
nose
mouff
tree
bird
moon
biper(diaper)
foot
car
mammer(hammer)
cat
down
apple
ball
water
bee
bug
thank you

and my all time favorite. . . fuck.

He has a hard time with the word 'frog' and for some reason whenever he sees a picture of a frog it comes out as 'fuck'. I guess it should be more embarassing, but I just can't get passed the humor of it all.

Oh, the joys of parenting. Peace to all.

Finally, Some Good News

2005-10-13T19:43:00.000-07:00

From Yahoo news.

Poll: Bush Presidency Judged Unsuccessful
By WILL LESTER, Associated Press Writer

WASHINGTON - For the first time, more people say George W. Bush's presidency will be judged as unsuccessful than say it will be seen as a success, a poll finds.

Forty-one percent of respondents said Bush's presidency will be seen as unsuccessful in the long run, while 26 percent said the opposite. Thirty-five percent said it was too early to tell, according to the Pew Research Center for the People & the Press.

In January, 36 percent said successful and 27 percent said unsuccessful. The increasing pessimism about Bush's long-term prospects comes at a time when many polls have found the public increasingly is negative about Bush's performance and the direction of the country.

Seven in 10 said they want the next president to offer policies and programs that are different from the Bush administration's.

Only half said they wanted the next president to offer different policies in 2000, at the end of the Clinton presidency. By a 2-1 margin, people said the Bush administration has had a negative impact on politics and the way government works.

People were inclined to say Bush's policies have made things worse on a wide range of issues such as the federal budget deficit, the gap between rich and poor, health care, the economy, relations with U.S. allies, the tax system and education. By 47 percent to 30 percent, those surveyed said Bush has improved the situation with national security.
Republicans give the president mixed reviews in many of these areas. Almost half of Republicans said Bush's policies have made the deficit worse and just 12 percent say he has improved that situation.

The poll of 1,500 adults was taken Oct. 6-10 and has a margin of sampling error of plus or minus 3 percentage points.

Now were talking!

Suddenly, my day has gotten a lot better.

That Dreaded Moment

2005-10-10T20:11:00.000-07:00

So we're all sitting at the table tonight having dinner. Just your average, middle class, suburban family of four breaking bread and sharing the highlights of our day.

My eight year old starts talking about how they've been learning in health about how bad drinking, smoking and drugs are. He was going into great detail about exactly how many minutes a cigarette takes off your life. He passionately discoursed on illegal drugs like marijuana and how it is worse than cigarettes and wondered why anybody would ever hurt their bodies or risk going to jail by doing any of these things. I nodded my head emphatically and extolled the virtues of clean living and how it is better not to even try any of the things we talked about. He agreed.

And then, he asked the dreaded question.

"So, basically dad, you never smoked or done any of those things right?"

Prolonged, dramatic pause.

I froze as I reached for my glass of water. My wife lovingly looked at me. I knew the 1980's would eventually catch up with me. Heck even the baby stopped and looked at me as he had a baby carrot stuck to cheek. All eyes were on me for what seemed like an eternity. The entire dinning room froze and spun 360 like a Matrix fight scene, with me stuck in the middle.

"Uh, well, son, you see drugs are really bad. . . "

And just then, much to my relief, he asked something about Grandpa smoking and I was able to quickly shift the conversation to Grandpa and all his vices, thus removing the spotlight from me. Temporarily.

Now, in my defense the enitre decade of the 80's is kind of blurry. In fact, 1985 is almost a completely lost year. So remembering some things will be difficult. But there are plenty enough memories and good people around me who are more than willing to fill in any gaps in my memory. So eventually, when my boy asks again, I'll have to come up with a better response. I have no intention of lying to my kids about my past mistakes. I just wish the list were not so long and incriminating. I thought I would'nt have to worry about this until I caught him trying a cigarette in the backyard late at night. He's only eight and he's already asking these questions. What'll I do when he's thirteen?

Pray for me people.

I suddenly have the urge to listen to Pink Floyd and consume an entire bag of Doritos.

To Not Be Israel

2005-10-07T23:23:00.000-07:00

I don't know about you, but I'm messed up.

More so in some areas of life, but in general, messed up.

This got me to thinking about Israel. Stay with me here people.

You see I've been reading through the Old Testament for the past year or so and I found my kindred. Many people who read this poor excuse for a blog know their Bible better than I, so I won't bother you with details. But suffice to say, Israel was given everything and still they screwed things up for themselves.

God: "I've brought you out of the bondage of Egypt, I am the lord your God"

Israel: "It's too hot here, the food sucks and the accomodations could be better"

Talk about your whiners.

God: "I've given you a land flowing with milk and honey, filled with cities you did not build with your own hands. Trust in me, I have great plans for you."

Israel:"We want a king to rule over us, just like everyone else."

You get the point. God was content to use this group of people as his 'chosen' people to show the world how to live. I mean, these people saw water parted, walked through on dry ground, bread fell from the sky and quail appeared out of nowhere, water from a rock even. And still they behaved just as badly as I do. They would disavow sin one day and fall back into it the next. Once chastised by God for a collective offense, they would committ to following only Him. Yet soon thereafter they would be worshipping Ashtoreth or building an alter to Baal. They were given everything and it still was not enough.

Sounds like somebody I know. Yeah, you guessed it. . .me. It just seems that the harder I try not to whine, complain, be unhappy or discontent, the harder it gets to do so. I too, have been given everything. Yet I find myself following Israel's path. It turns out that Israel is the perfect example of all humanity. We are never content, always wanting more and frequently dissastisfied with what is right in front of us. Maybe that is also something God wants us to see. His 'chosen' people are really like all people and everyone therefore is in need of his discipline, grace and love. I'm no great theologian, but some things seem more obvious than others.

Peace to all.

Did It For The Wrong Reason

2005-09-25T22:44:00.000-07:00

My kids only get toys on their birthday and Christmas.

Occassionally, Grandama will show up bearing gifts. But lets be honest, there is no stopping a force of nature like a grandmother.

Tonight, I took the boys to Target to buy a few things we needed for the week. It has been a long weekend filled with soccer practice, soccer games, tantrums, Boy Scout events and fundraisers. My wife had spent half the day with my oldest helping to supervise the Boy Scout annual pizza fundraiser. I could tell she needed a break and her fibro was bad. We both needed a break.

So wanting to be Superman, savior of the day and an overall good guy I scooped the kids up and off we went. I got a bit frustrated and confused in the hair care aisle trying to juggle coupons and searching for a certain styling gel. As a bald man, this concept is completely lost on me. My youngest was knocking things off the shelf saying "uh oh" while my oldest was continuing a sentence that he started on thursday about the virtues of Pokemon . As I bent down to pick up the items the baby had knocked down I almost passed out from the aroma radiating from his posterior. I swear his diaper looked swollen to four times its normal size. I looked up at him and he smiled as he said "hi there". Soon panic set in. You guessed right. I left the diaper bag at home.

Off I went streaming through the store and the rest of my list. I needed to get out of there before somebody picked up the scent and reported me to the Depratment of Homeland Security for hiding a chemical weapon in my sons pants. My oldest boy was struggling to keep up, never skipping a beat in his description of his latest Pokemon battle. All the while I was searching for an Air Wick scented oil refill, deodorant and diaper wipes. The baby meanwhile was not quite aware of his predicament and was saying "hi" to every cute girl that walked by. As soon as they paused to smile at him the lovely baby essence would strike their nostrils and I got the stink eye for being a bad daddy. Such is the plight of the uber domesticated man.

Anyhizzle, by this time I'm sweating and I still can't find the toothpaste that was on sale that I have a double coupon for. No bother, I'll get it next time because by this time it was 7:30 and I've still got to get the kids home, bathed and showered, have our bible time and get them in bed by 8 p.m. I manage to slow to a jog and put a little more interest into the conversation that my oldest boy has been basically having with himself for the last twenty minutes. We happen to swing by the toy section out of pure coincidence and he asked if he could see if they had the new Bionicle series. He loves to build things, it is just the way his mind works. I love that about him. We found the right aisle and they had one last version of the thing he had been looking for for some time. He stared at it longingly. To his credit, he never asked for a thing. He knows the rule.

Something inside me said "Come on, just buy it for him".

I wanted to buy it for him because I wanted to do something nice for him that I knew he would like. I wanted to do it because I felt bad we had not spent a lot of time together this weekend, because his mom was sick with pain, because I rushed him around the store on a school night. I wanted to make it all up to him and I saw the toy as a way to accomplish that.

Visions of the episode of the Brady Bunch where Mike and Carol are on the verge of buying Bobby the coolest bike in the world to "win him over for life". They pause as they think about their motives. The Bradies were wiser than me for they resisted the guilt purchase.

I did it for the wrong reasons. Guilt. Self-loathing. Pick your descriptor.

I promised myself that I would never be that kind of parent. I have failed miserably.

Peace to all.

A Whole New World

2005-09-22T21:52:00.000-07:00

You know that you are the father of two boys when. . .

You buy two boxes of your favorite cereal and only get one bowl before it is all gone.

Ian, pray for girls.

A New Storm. . . On the Right

2005-09-20T20:51:00.000-07:00

From the LA Times:

APPARENTLY, IT took divine intervention in the form of Hurricane Katrina to make George W. Bush, the compassionate conservative, aware of the existence of poor people in our midst."As we clear away the debris of a hurricane, let us also clear away the legacy of inequality," said a president who has not only overseen a nearly 9% income decline for the poorest fifth of the nation's population but won the job boasting of his record as governor of a state that census figures show has the fifth-highest poverty level and highest percentage of citizens lacking medical insurance.

Unfortunately, the president still seems to believe that the severe poverty of New Orleans is an anomaly exposed by the storm, rather than a disturbing national reality he should have long since confronted. One wishes he would take to heart the words Bishop T.D. Jakes of Dallas offered before Bush spoke at the National Cathedral on Friday: "Katrina, perhaps she has done something to this nation that we needed to have done. She has made us think, and look, and reach beyond the breach." He also noted: "We can no longer be a nation that overlooks the poor and the suffering and continue past the ghetto on our way to the Mardi Gras, or past Harlem for Manhattan, or past Compton for Rodeo Drive."Of course, it should not have taken a devastating hurricane to reveal to our president the depth of human misery in a nation that could easily afford to have no poor people. Perhaps Bush simply hasn't fallen far enough from the tree, considering it was famously said of his father that he was a man who was born on third base and thought he hit a triple. His even more clueless mother thinks letting devastated African American evacuees sleep in the Astrodome worked out "very well for them" because they "were underprivileged anyway."

One would have hoped that the avowedly "born again" younger Bush would have witnessed the disconnect between the teachings of the son of God, which repeatedly counsel aiding the poor and vulnerable, and his own family's "let them eat cake" approach to governance. After all, 37 million Americans — 13 million of them children — are living in poverty, 4.5 million more than when Bush was first inaugurated. This sad fact is never mentioned when the president trumpets the alleged benefits of his tax cuts for the rich."This is a matter of public policy," Bill Clinton said on Sunday, belatedly challenging the government's woeful response to the hurricane. "And whether it's race-based or not, if you give your tax cuts to the rich and hope everything works out all right, and poverty goes up and it disproportionately affects black and brown people, that's a consequence of the action made. That's what they did in the '80s; that's what they've done in this decade." The man should know. After all, though he hardly solved the issue in downtrodden Arkansas or the country, poverty levels did significantly decline during his presidency (from 15.1% of the population in 1993 to 11.3% in 2000). Bush may be getting the message that government is not the enemy. But forced by his worst political crisis to suggest that government has a major role to play in not only reconstructing the Gulf Coast but also in confronting the reality of a patently unequal playing field, the president has angered "Reagan revolution" conservatives.

For example, conservative pundit George Will, frightened that Bush's promise to significantly assist the devastated Gulf Coast might unleash a new wave of social spending, rushed last week to assert the pervasive myth that this nation has a level playing field. Staying out of poverty is simple, he argued, if you just follow "three not-at-all recondite rules: … Graduate from high school, don't have a baby until you are married, don't marry while you are a teenager." But do Will and his ilk really believe a child raised in foster homes and juvenile hall, or an 85-year-old living on Social Security, can so simply pull themselves up by their bootstraps? Sadly enough, it may be harder to get conservative journalists or politicians into the world of a junior high school kid in an impoverished neighborhood than to get a camel through the eye of a needle.

Now, if you bothered to read the article you may have noticied the connection the author made between Bush's confession of faith and his lack of living that faith through his actions. This is the kind of stuff I have been talking about. George Bush is bad for Christianity and a poor example of living a sacrificial life that is centered on serving others, especially those in society who are most vulnerable. Others are noticing what Christians should have recognized long ago.

Peace.

Today's Headline

2005-09-16T21:07:00.000-07:00

From the LA Times:

Schwarzenegger Running for Reelection

Just one more reason to leave California. Soon.

Hip Hop Rant

2005-09-13T22:12:00.000-07:00

I hate Hip Hop.

No, I loathe it and the whole Hip Hop sub culture. Now when I say sub, I mean it in its traditional defintion as in under, below or beneath what is considered culture.

I despise the same back beat to most songs of the genre. True, there can be some creativity in mixing and sampling, but overall, it all sounds like the same or similar arrangement.

I cannot stand the mutilation of the english language that has been spawned due to the rise of Hip Hop. I'm tired of the made up words.

The fact that some words have had their historical meanings molested makes me burn. Words like ghetto are now referenced in ways that would make any Holocaust survivor cringe. Pimp no longer means a man who sexually exploits a woman for profit and abuses her, but rather a guy who is good with women. Puke.

I am disgusted with the desensitizing of youth toward sex that has been accelerated with the increased popularity of Hip Hop, fueled by the lyrical content and pornographic music videos. Nearly every song I hear is about sex, group sex, booty, coochie, getting your drink on, flashing that bling or taking your homie's girl home with you. In addition, the sexual imagery that is projected only feeds into young girls physical insecurities encouraging them to dress more and more provacative, act more physically assertive, cast off previous notions about chastity and lower their standards in the dating arena.

It saddens me to see young men, encouraged by the culture to increasingly view young women as objects to be used for physical gratification. If the hoochies in the video give it up, I bet that girl in Algebra class will too.

I am sickened by the glorification of the thug.

I am annoyed by some in the African American intelligentsia that try to tell me that Hip Hop is some great, over arching urban narrative and therefore a positive cultural expression that I have no right as a white oppressor to criticize. Bull!

I'm tired of hearing that I'm white and I just don't get it. True, I'm not black. Most of the neighborhoods I grew up in were predominantly black and Mexican. I understand what it is to be poor. I understand the feeling of thinking there is no way out. The black thing, you've got me on. But this line of thinking promotes the fallacy that the only way black people can communicate musically is through foul language, child abandonment, the relentless pursuit of materialism and objectifying women. I don't buy that. What about John Lee Hooker, Nat King Cole, B.B. King or Ray Charles just to name a few?

It disturbs me that the vast majority of pop culture is being determined by 13% of the population.

I am tired of white, Asian and Latino kids talking like they're black. I know black people who are tired of it too.

Now some who have the courage to keep reading might think that every generation of older people(I'm only 35) has said things of this nature about the young people and their music. True, and it is not that other genres of music are without flaw. It just seems that with this current pop culture it seems worse. I even spoke to several more level headed people who are older than me and have weathered storms of this nature before. They tend to agree that elements of Hip Hop sub-culture appear to feed some of the more base instincts of our nature.

What are we to do?

My kids are going to eventually grow up and may like music that I find objectionable. What'll I do then? Should parents of teenagers now prohibit Hip-Hop in their house if they find the message contradicting the values they are trying to instill in children?

There, I think I'm done.

Peace to all.

Cruising at the Speed of the 21st Century

2005-09-09T21:52:00.000-07:00

Like being delivered from the dark ages of cyberspace. . . I finally have DSL!

Webpages literally load in the blink of an eye.

I can download pictures and artwork for lesson plans with ease.

I can watch streaming video feed from my favorite news sites.

I can even be on the phone while I'm online.

What a great day!

It's All Over But the Crying

2005-09-05T21:01:00.000-07:00

I've emptied and stored the kids pool I set up before July 4th.

I've used the last bag of charcoal briquettes.

The Aim n' Flame I bought in June has finally been spent of its fuel.

The lawn chairs have been stored in their appropriate place.

The ice cream truck that rambles through our neighborhood now makes its rounds less often.

It is Labor Day weekend. The end of summer.

Tomorrow I go back to work and the day after that, I greet my students.

It is all over but the crying.

Though the summer has been productive, I already miss it.

I finished painting the hallway I started two years ago.

I fixed the sink in the bathroom, cleared our side yard, cleaned the garage, planted a tree and built an arbor.

In the past three months my oldest boy passed the next level of swim class which means he can now go boogie boarding with me. The baby has added over a dozen words to his vocabulary and my wife has realized her dream of becoming a classroom teacher.

The next ten months will pass in a flurry of meetings, lesson plans, tests, parent conferences and more meetings.

Summer, I shall miss thee.

Be well all.

Slaves to the Cell

2005-08-25T23:19:00.000-07:00

Alright, so I've been attending this intensive AP training all week.

One of the reasons for my blogger silence.

Anyhizzle, I emerged from the morning session of this training. It has been so compressed and, did I mention intensive?, that when I stepped outside for a coffee break I could practically feel my cerebellum throbbing.

As I looked around the commons area I surveyed the landscape of professional educators in their summer garb. Some were talking, some drinking coffee, some smoking(ah, sweet nectar!), but most, regardless of what they were doing seemed to be on a cell phone.

I walked up the stairs to the men's room. I walked into a stall and realized the one next to me was occupied. As I was finishing my mission I heard my neighbors cell phone ring. And he actually answered the call! It gets better. It was apparently his wife or significant other. I could not help but overhear. This guy then starts yelling. "F_ _ck! Can't I even get a break from your drama when I take a shit!". Uh, well no, especially when you answer your phone while taking a dump. Suppressing laughter with every fiber in my being I rushed out of the bathroom. Yes, I managed to wash my hands on the way out.

As I descended the stairs I ran into a colleague I had not seen all summer. He began to chat with me, while he was on his phone! Later.

I get back to my seminar. About ten minutes into the session the presenter pauses to switch his cell to 'vibrate'.

At the lunch break I head out to grab something to eat that I'm sure will disagree with me. As I'm waiting at a red light I happen to glance in my rear view mirror and notice a young lady applying what appears to be eyeliner. . .while talking on her phone.

What the heck is going on?

I don't have a cell phone. I reject the cell phone. I can't afford one anyway. Besides, I just don't want to be reached out to and touched wherever I'm at.

I'm not even dissin' cell phones. I recognize their utility in some circumstances. But lately, and today seemd to be a capstone, that most people with a cell phone have become captive to it. How is it that human civilization got along with telephone technology for over a century without needing to take a phone with them everywhere? Including the bathroom.

And it is not just teenagers I'm talking about. Everyone I described from today was a grown adult. Has life become that important? Or have we manufactured the need for this device? What the heck is so important that we need to be on the phone all the time?

This is not a cell phone rant.

Peace and good health to all.

Don't You Get it Dad?

2005-08-17T23:21:00.000-07:00

Alright, so I'm up working. Trying to put together this AP World history class that I'm convinced I'm not qualified to teach. I'm listening to the Killers and it is driving me crazy trying to figure out what 80's band they remind me of (any ideas Scott??).

Screams erupt from the boys room. It is our 18 month old. I walk in because my wife has already gone to bed and her fibro has been really bad this week and I don't want her to get up. I pick up the baby, who is getting heavier by the nano-second, and try to console him. No luck.

I grab his blankey and walk him into the living room because I don't want his crying to wake my oldest because then I will have to sit through a 15 minute nonstop diatribe on the virtues of Pokemon and how Blazikan is much more powerful than Pidgeot. Don't get me started.

So me and the baby. I'm holding him, walking with him, speaking in soothing tones. Nothing.

I go to the kitchen and offer him juice. Nothing.

Back to the living room. He's still bothered by something.

I change his diaper. Nothing. Crying continues.

More walking, pacing, rocking. Nothing.

After I don't know how long, I figure he's alright but for whatever reason he's going to passively cry for awhile. Like a good father I put him down on the bean bag and turn on the T.V. and go back to work.

Less than two minutes later, he walks over and pats me on the knee and says "cup"! He then proceeds to walk into the kitchen and start yanking on the refrigerator door. To this he adds the plaintiff wail "mil, mil". It finally registers that he wants a cup of milk. I oblige him. We sit down together on the couch and watch how the Gaza pullout is going.

Once he downs the the cup of "mil", he grabs his blanket and shoves his thimb in his mouth, rolls neatly down the couch, looks at me and says "nigh, nigh". and walks into his room and waits for me in front of the crib. Getting the message I pick him up, and glide him into place where he immediately rolls over on his side, eyes closed, thumb still in mouth and blanket desperately clutched to the side of his face in true Linus fashion.

There is still so much I just don't understand.

Good night all.

He's at it Again

2005-08-13T22:16:00.000-07:00

Can you hear the drums beating?

In a stern warning to Iran, President Bush said “all options are on the table” if the Iranians refuse to comply with international demands to halt their nuclear program, pointedly noting he has already used force to protect U.S. security.

Bush’s statement during an interview on Israeli TV late Friday was unusually harsh. He previously said diplomacy should be used to persuade Iran to suspend its nuclear program and if that failed then the U.N. Security Council should impose sanctions.

The U.S. government and others fear Iran’s nuclear work is secretly designed to produce nuclear weapons. Iran’s leaders deny that, saying it is only for the generation of electricity.

In the interview, Bush said the United States and Israel “are united in our objective to make sure that Iran does not have a weapon.”

But, he said, if diplomacy fails “all options are on the table.”

“The use of force is the last option for any president. You know, we’ve used force in the recent past to secure our country,” he said.

Can you believe this?!

We should not be surprised though. His re-election convinced this man that he is right for America, that America is behind him. You see, it only takes 51% to assure this man that all of America supports his misdirected, shortshighted, ignorant and narrowminded foreign policy.

If you voted for George W. Bush, this is what you voted for. An unrelenting series of confrontations, ultimatums, bypassing of international law and war. Never mind strengthening our borders, protecting our ports or re-enforcing our alliances. No, lets just say very similar things that we said before we invaded the last Muslim country we invaded. If they don't understand resolve, screw em'.

His public proclamations of his Christianity should make all believers shutter when he says things like this. Again, what is the message that is conveyed? A publicly confessing American president who says things like this? This guy is making a living out of war and many Christians support him. Do you have any idea what that does to our credibility?

He has not fulfilled his promise to Afghanistan. Hamid Karzai remains embattled in his efforts to reshape his country because George Bush abandoned him for an unneccessary war in Iraq.

Iraq's future remains uncertain because this man did not have the wisdom to committ enough troops to the effort once he undertook the whole erroneous endeavor.

Hundreds of non Mexican illegal immigrants have streamed over the Mexican border into the U.S. possibly with terrorist ties because your president has ignored the border issue because he is preoccupied and has a short attention span to begin with.

And now, he says things like this about Iran. He does not understand the implications of what a use of force against Iran could do. Many Americans don't either and may not care. He does not understand because he is convinced he is right in all that he says and does. This conviction that he holds was substantiated by his re-relection.

This is what you voted for.

May God help America.

Gainful Employment

2005-08-10T21:12:00.000-07:00

Well, it has taken five years and about $20,000, but my wife has completed school and has now been hired as a full time art teacher.

You would not believe how excited she is. This incredible woman has not only had to deal with fibromyalgia but gone back to school to get a second bachelors degree and a teaching credential. Oh yeah, she maintained a 4.0 GPA the entire time and gave birth to a another child during this time!

Finally, a whole group of high school students will have the world of art opened up to them like they could never have imagined.

The best part, she got hired at the school I teach at. How cool is that? We won't see each other constantly because we will be on opposite ends of the campus, but we'll see enough of each to make my days a whole lot better.

The bad news, at least for me? In some ways, my wife is a better teacher than I am. I better step up.

Be well all.

Take Me Out to the Ball Game

2005-08-04T22:28:00.000-07:00

Last night my oldest boy and I attended his first ever professional baseball game. Angels vs. Orioles. It was free visor night.

Some of you may know that I absolutely abhor professional sports. But this is my kid we're talking about. I'm a dad, this is what you do.

My son recently joined the local pack of Cub Scouts. After pleading with us for some time, we have finally relented. Anyhizzle, this baseball game was the most recent summer outing with his pack. I had worked all day and was tired, hot and generally cranky. My son had been at Cub Scout camp all day and was therefore very jazzed about the whole endeavor. No chance of talking him out of it.

It took us over an hour and a half to get to the flingin' flangin' stadium due to the 'freeway' traffic. Parking was a crime. Once we parked we made our way to the entrance, it took so long from where we parked I began to commisserate with the Israelites. Walking to our seats was another adventure in and of itself. The crowd, the sweat, the smell of deep fried something. Our seats were so high up that I bumped my head on the space shuttle as it made its way over Anaheim. We made it to our seats, settled in and made small talk with some of the people we knew in the pack.

Then, the Star Spangled Banner.

I admit, I still get choked up toward the end of that little ditty. I thought about all of the imperfections of our great nation and how so many have fought and continue to fight to preserve our right to work toward a more perfect union. It is humbling. I explained to my son what the song was about and why we stand when it is played. Cool.

As the game went on, the various and marauding vendors made their rounds. Ice cream sandwich, $4.25. Bottle of Gatorade, $5.00. Hot dog,$3.75. Peanuts, $5.00. I could not believe it. Of course , this being my son's first baseball game we got the required hot dog, peanuts and soda. He had already eaten everything by the time I paid the vendor. Incredibly, he was still hungry and we had eaten dinner before we left for the game!

I taught him how to read the scoreboard. Explained what a full count was and what stealing bases really meant. It took a little while for me to tell him about batting averages, grandslam home runs, foul balls and ERAs. By the end of the 5th inning he had learned that you boo when the oppossing team's best hitter is at bat. He wasn't quite sure what to do during the seventh inning stretch but he caught on to the words of 'Take Me Out to the Ball Game' quickly enough.

By the bottom of the eigth inning, the house lights were blazing, the temperature had cooled and I was more comfortable and able to enjoy the whole experience.

This was my boy's first ever real baseball game.

I looked at him and he felt my gaze and turned to me and smiled as he asked for yet another Red Vine. My boy. I'm supposed to teach him stuff about being a boy and eventually how to be the right kind of man. No pressure. He has recently turned eight and so much about him is changing. He has asked that he be allowed to let his hair grow out, which we agreed to. It is too long for my tastes, but as a parent you pick your battles. He has started skateboarding, he no longer exclusively asks to see animated movies and he just seems bigger somehow. I don't want to lose that little boy, but know I have to and look forward to relating to him on deeper things as he matures. Still, it is bitter sweet.

As the game came to a conclusion(Angels won 8 to 4), we began to exit. We stopped at the top of the stadium before heading down and looked across the parking lot and noticed all the parked cars bathed in the artificial light of the parking lot at 10:45 p.m. My son stopped and said "Hey dad, when you look at all those cars from up here doesn't it look like an army of sleeping beetles?" Yeah, I guess so. Only through the eyes of a eight year old boy. We made our way down to our car. We talked about the game the entire way down.

We talked for a few more minutes once we were in the car, talking about our favorite part of the game. He fell asleep before we got on the freeway. When we got home, I roused him form his slumber and guided him to the his room and got him dressed and put to bed. I kissed him on the cheek and whispered in his ear as I do every night " Good night Little Prince." I then turned to the crib where the baby lay sleeping and kissed him as well.

I'm a dad. This is what you do.

Blessings and peace to all.

Welcome to the 43rd Reich

2005-08-01T21:24:00.000-07:00

Who needs a pesky system of checks and balances and confirmation of Presidential appointees when you can find a Constitutional loophole to get your way?

I'm so glad we have a level headed chief executive who is strong enough to 'stay the course' in his convictions, knowing that he is always right and everyone else is always wrong.

Here is a link to an article detailing der Bush's latest moves against our demockracy.

Do you think he'll seek to repeal the 22nd amendment* next?

Peace and good health to all.

*the 22nd amendment is the one limiting a president to two terms in office.

Confessions of a Harry Potter Virgin

2005-07-31T22:20:00.000-07:00

I admit it, I have never even so much as picked up a Harry Potter book to look at.

I just don't see the big deal.

My resistance to Harry Potter is not part of the Christian anti-Potter mentality that rejects the books because it involves magic. What a load of crap. The Lord of the Rings is a pseudo-Christian allegory that involves the use of magic. The Chronicles of Narnia is based in a 'magical' other world reality. No, my curiosity in Harry Potter is that many people seem to be willing to give up their precious reading time to books of this nature when there are so many other books out there that need to be read.

I mean there are books out there that are a whole lot more important to understanding the world around us and they don't create the kind of freakish fervor I've seen in the last few weeks. It is bizarre.

I read a lot. Mostly books other people don't seem to read. I'm alright with that. But this Harry Potter thing is off the scale. I've heard of Harry Potter tail gate parties in front of book stores at midnight the day it became available. I heard over the radio that one guy that was interviewed had his name leagally changed to Harry Potter to commemorate the release of the new book. By the way, the guy was 32.

I just don't get it. I mean nobody stood in line when the 9/11 commission report was released in book form. I've read it, I think it is more important than Harry Potter for our world. But it did not generate buzz among the masses. The news media didn't cover the release of Surviving the Sword, Resource Wars, or Collapse. I was crestfallen.

I just don't get it. Or at least I didn't get it until I left the house today. Some of my best learning opportunities happen when I leave my own little self created world and step outside.

I went to the grocery store , did my shopping and then stood in line for check out. For some reason even Vons is selling copies of the newest Harry Potter. A kid, I'm guessing around 10, was pestering his parental unit to buy it for him. The parent resisted the pressure and said no. I was thinking "Good for you for not caving in to the pop cultural pressure of assimilating your kid into this series of books that are over hyped."

But then I thought, wait a minute, this kid is actually asking for a book. In my profession it is a minor work of divine intervention to even get a student to read their homework, much less a whole book, a thick book at that, with no pictures.

Quick, as fast as the Italians switched sides in World War II, I found myself silently cheering for this kid all of a sudden.

He entreated his mother again, "Please, I'll put back the Doritos and Diet Coke". Again, his stalwart mother gave him a firm "No". I almost found myself intervening on behalf of the child. "Aw, come on mom, it's a book he's asking for. Don't you understand the paradigmatic shift his request symbolizes." But I resisted.

As the line moved forward, our underdog gave it one last shot. "Look mom, if you by me the book I won't ask you to take me to see the next movie". Hmm...he's probably lying, but the very fact that he is going to these lengths to get a book and probably, actually, for real, read the darn thing was impressive. By this time I think the mother sensed I was eavesdropping. She looked at me with a smile so barely detectable only another parent could discern its presence. I looked at her and returned the same grin. She then told the boy "Go ahead and get it. But stop bothering me about it. Put the Doritos back like you said, but you can keep the Diet Coke." They checked out and left. I felt nearly jubilant.

Yeah, I think Harry Potter is over hyped. The people who stay up for 48 hours straight to read it the moment they get it are probably weird. But you know, if it can generate the kind of enthusiasm that this kid in the grocery store had, then so be it.

I still won't read a single one of them though.

Be well all.

What to Do?

2005-07-28T21:20:00.000-07:00

Alright, here's the deal. I've posted before on my desire to leave this cess pool that is Southern Californina. I hate many things about it, from the 'diversity' to the traffic to lack of seasons, ridiculous housing prices, overpopulation,lack of greenery and oh yeah, did I mention the friggin' traffic!

Well, as I mentioned several months ago, my wife and I applied to some school districts in the Vancouver area in the hopes of employment...Nothing. Nada. Zilch. Complete and total silence. Not one phone call from an educrat saying thanks but no thanks. Now, we only applied to a very small number of places because given the reduction in pay we would be taking, we had to apply to the few districts in the area that could pay us more than others which I guess limited our prospects to begin with.

So, what do we do now? This was supposed to be the 'go to' year. If the move didn't happen this year then oh well syonara Vancouver, we'll just have to get used to the cess pool. There is just this big, growing part of us that questions the wisodm of that decision. The real epiphany came this spring. As department chair I had the privelege of helping to interview candidates for employment in my department. In all seven interviews I was part of, not one of the people was from out of state or even out of county. Only one candiadte was from another district. Could it be that other schools in other states have a similar employment filter? Locals only. Sorry, if you don't live here, you get the big cold shoulder.

That got us thinking.

Maybe our chances of getting hired in the PNW would be greatly enhanced if we already lived there. Maybe the ability to walk into a school and meet the principal face to face and say "Hi, I'd like to work here. Here is a copy of my really impressive resume. I've worked in the nation's most culturally diverse district, I can handle anything you throw at me." Being able to that might help.

Maybe proximity is the key.

Which got us thinking even further. We should sell our house, sell everything we don't want to carry 1,000 miles and move to Vancouver. Then maybe we'll get jobs.

Insanity.

I don't do things like this. My wife, well she's an artist, I expect this from her. But me, I'm the level headed one. I'm the budgeter(is that a word?), the planner. I have a biblical obligation to provide for my family, not fly off willy-nilly on some half baked, uprooting adventure in the hopes of getting employment somewhere I really want to live. My dad always told me, you never leave one job without another already waiting for you. He should know, he spent large portions of his life unemployed. I know financial instability. I don't want to expose my boys to that intentionally.

Still, there is this restless, discontented, adventurous side of me that thinks. . .

No, it must be insanity.

What to do?

Politicians Suck

2005-07-28T14:18:00.000-07:00

Please read this article. Pay special attention to the last paragraph.

Ah, democracy. Truly a mockery of common sense and friend to the wealthy. Especially those good energy generatin' folk down in Texas. Coincidence?

I think not.

So Who Were You In High School?

2005-07-24T17:18:00.000-07:00

Here is a weird little survey I came across. The point is to answer the questions according to what you were like in high school. Go ahead, give it shot. We can compare profiles.

I rated as a Punk/Rebel. Hmmm?

Who were you in high school?

A Fish Tale

2005-07-20T23:40:00.000-07:00

I just got back from a five day visit up north with my in-laws. Good people. Small town and hot. Daytime high around 109 and overnight low of 92.

It was so hot the sweat on my bald head dried as it dripped down to my eyes.

Anyway, while I was there my father in-law and I went out on what is becoming our annual summertime fishing trip on the Kings River. We left early do avoid the heat and drove his huge truck the short distance down to the river. This truck is so large it must have three engines and it's own zip code. When we arrived at the bank of the river to launch the boat my father in-law let me get behind the wheel and back the truck and trailer into the water while he unhitched the boat. It was the first time I had actually intentionally drove a vehicle into a large body of water. Cool.

Once we got the outboard motor started we proceeded down the river looking for a good spot. We traveled for a while, long enough though for me to conjure mental images of myself as Tom Sawyer navigating the Mississippi as we made our way through the cool, early morning water. Of course Tom might have liked to have an outboard motor and I'm not so sure I'm cut out river life on a longterm basis.

We arrived at a spot that my father in-law was sure would be a good place to catch fish. When I asked him how he knew I reckoned(sorry, had to use it, we are afterall on the river) that he would say something about having come here since he was a boy he knew the good spots. Instead, he pointed to his newest gadget. Mounted on the front of his boat was a digital reading-radar detecting, rootin-tootin, high falootin fish finding toy. This thing actually shows you how many fish are directly under you, how big they are and how deep the water is. Wow.

I asked: "Is'nt that a little like cheating?"

He replied: "Nope. Besides, it aint like the the fish are going to tell the Fish and Game warden."

Point taken.

We sat in the boat for I don't know how long. Nothing. I looked at the radar thingy. There were plenty of fish around us. Tons of them. So many, they were literally jumping out of the water. One would jump to the left of us, then in front, then in back of us. Two fish flew out of the water, shook hands and went back in the water. They were literally jumping all around us. At one point there were so many of them a blue gill perch jumped into the boat, asked for a cigarette and then splashed back into the river.

It was embarassing and humorous.

There we were, two relatively intelligent men, with fishing poles, live bait, a boat and a freaking device that literally draws us a picture of where the fish are and we can't catch a thing. At one point everytime we heard a splash we would burst out laughing at each other. We scoped out a few more places, but to no avail. After a few hours of this we both decided to head back.

As we did, the Tom Sawyer imagery came back, though I'm sure Tom was a better fisherman than I. So I didn't catch any fish. Was that really the point?

As we made our way to shore I put my hand in the cool, smooth water and enjoyed the natural imagery and sounds around me. Maybe it was therapeutic just being out there. Or maybe it was the hynoptic ebb and flow of the river current that nearly rocked me to sleep a couple of times or that I cut a live nightcrawler in half with my own finger nail to bait my hook. Maybe just being witness to the abundance of bird species and eavesdropping on their conversations was enough. It could have been the simple pleasure of counting the number of frogs I could see in the water that calmed my spirit. Or maybe just the silence of merely sitting in the middle of an actual river far from concrete and paved roads trying to catch something to eat and laughing at myself all the while was the real point.

Be well all.

Headlines

2005-07-19T14:14:00.000-07:00

From CNN.

From MSNBC.

Peace to all.

Lets Do Something

2005-07-17T09:53:00.000-07:00

Here is a link to an article discussing an issue that every American should be considering, but few perhaps are. Please read it.

Yet another reason to rethink our 'strategic' partnership with China and to begin to pressure our elected officials to actually do something about our dependance on oil. Peace.

Lessons of London

2005-07-10T12:04:00.000-07:00

Below is an article from today's L.A. Times Op-Ed section. Please read it. Pray that God would motivate people of conscience whether they be Christian or not to act upon resolving the real issues behind terrorism and injustice in the Middle East so that the deaths of people in N.Y., D.C., London, Bali, Baghdad or Tel Aviv would not be in vain.

We can't win this war the old way

The bombings in London make it clear that fighting terrorism with armies abroad is not the answer.By Timothy Garton Ash, Timothy Garton Ash is professor of European studies at Oxford University and a Hoover Institution senior fellow.

When the bombs hit my native city, I was asleep in California. Waking, I watched the wounded emerging from those familiar London Tube stations and the wreckage of the No. 30 bus, all mediated through American television. One commentator said, "This shows we live in a world at war." And every fiber in my body cried: No, that is not the lesson of London.

London knows firsthand what war is like. But this is not a war in the sense that American commentators like to imagine it. Wars are won by armies. This one never will be. It must be fought differently.

First, we must acknowledge that there will be more of this. We're not fighting against a single group that can be defeated, like Hitler's Wehrmacht. Terrorism is a technique, a means to an end, made more widely available by what we usually call "advances" in the technology of killing, and by the ease with which people can now move cheaply within and across borders. It will be used, and used again. To some extent, we will have to learn to live with it, as we do with other chronic threats.

This is where London is most impressive. The capital's police chiefs had already warned that the question was "not if but when" a terrorist attack would come. Contingency plans for the emergency services were in place, and seem to have worked reasonably well. The matter-of-fact phlegmatism with which Londoners met Thursday's attacks reflected long experience, notably of 30 years of IRA bombings, as well as national temperament. "Just getting on with it," as Londoners do, is the best answer ordinary people can give to the terrorists.

How much freedom are we now prepared to sacrifice in the name of security? There is a real danger that countries such as the United States and Britain will move toward a national security state, with further curtailment of civil liberties. That must not be — for it will cost us liberty without bringing us any guarantee of security. I, for one, would rather remain more free, and face a marginally higher risk of being blown up by a terrorist bomb.

This does not mean being passive in response to these atrocities. But the right response does not lie, as commentators on Fox News would have us believe, in more military firepower to zap "the enemy" in Iraq or elsewhere. It lies in skilled policing and intelligent policy. Quietly refusing the melodramatic metaphor of war, officials of London's Metropolitan Police described the sites of the Tube and bus bombings as "crime scenes." That's right. Crimes.

Working in the most ethnically diverse city in the world, they have developed patient techniques of community relations and intelligence-gathering, as well as evidence-gathering after the event. That won't stop every attack. It didn't stop this one. But skilled policing at home, not soldiering abroad, is the way to reduce the threat from terrorists who operate and sometimes, as in the Madrid bombings last year, live for years in the immigrant communities of our great cities. If that is true of London and Madrid, it applies equally to Toronto, Paris, Sydney or Berlin.

Then there is intelligent policy. It was right to drive Al Qaeda out of Afghanistan. By contrast, it becomes increasingly clear that the invasion of Iraq was a mistake, almost certainly creating more terrorists that it eliminated. But now we have to make the best of a bad job there. The last thing we should do in response to this attack is to scuttle out of Iraq. On the contrary, now is the time for all democracies to rally round the cause of building a peaceful and halfway free Iraq, while insisting on further changes in occupation policy from a sobered United States, no longer infused with the neoconservative hubris of three years ago.

A peace settlement between Israel and Palestine would remove another great recruiting sergeant for Islamist terrorists. And, yes, working toward the modernization, liberalization and eventual democratization of the wider Middle East is the only certain, long-term way to drain the swamp in which terrorist mosquitoes breed. Here, it is Europe rather than the United States that needs to wake up, urgently, to the imperative of doing more.

These days, events that happen faraway, in Khartoum or Kandahar, affect us directly — sometimes fatally — as we commute to work, sitting in the underground train between King's Cross and Russell Square. There is no such thing as foreign policy anymore. That is perhaps the deepest lesson of London.

Peace to all.

Of Bombs and Britain

2005-07-08T20:41:00.000-07:00

So I've had over a day to percolate on the tragic events unfolding in London. The complete premeditation and brutality of it all shakes me to my core and gives me chills of the morning almost four years ago when commercial airliners were turned into guided missiles in the hands of fanatical beasts. Be strong Britain, America stands with you.

We need to pray for our trans-Atlantic cousins and their leaders who so faithfully stood by us in the wake of 9/11. Tony Blair is a good leader, perhaps even a good man. A good little socialist. I like Tony Blair so much I wish Colin Powell were president, John McCain vice president and Tony Blair, secretary of State. But I digress.

Blair's inspiring words and encouragement to Londoners and Brits in general only confirm his qualities as a leader. Though he supported the war in Iraq, which is my reason for writing.

Now matter how inspiring Blair is, no matter how he or Bush frame the attacks, ultimately this was retribution for Britain's part in the Iraq war. Blood for blood. I'm not condoning the acts of terrorism, I'm just putting them in their proper context.

The U.K. and Blair are the biggest Western proponents of resolving the Israeli/Palestinian conflict. This makes sense, since they created it. Balfour Declaration anyone???

Anyhizzle, it goes against all logic(yes, I know terrorists are not logical people) that with Britain's ardent support for peace in the Middle East that it should be attacked so brutally and the blood of innocents spilled. Therefore, the reason for this barbarism can only be their support of the Iraq war.

What is my point? The events you see at Kings Cross or elsewhere in London may be coming to an American subway system near you soon. If al Qaeda strikes this way at the number two offender just think of what they have in store for the 'Great Satan' that is George Bush's America. Yes, it is one of those posts. Sorry Ian, you might want to stop reading now.

When American civilians are murdered again in the name of terrorism, our Chief Executive will be partly responsible. He invaded Iraq, he has blood on his hands and in the unbalanced mind of terrorists, so do the people who tolerate his rule. It is a concept known as total war. No one is spared. Everyone is considered a legitimate target and all will pay in one way or another. Everyone that is except for George Walker Bush and his puppet master Dick Cheney. They'll be safely tucked away somewhere when the next wave of terror comes to the homeland. Safe so that when the dust settles whoever survives can be honored with the enlightened benevolence of their leadership.

Not until the core issues that create terrorism are dealt with will terrorism itself become an unattractive option. If we continue to invade Muslim nations we are only confirming everything Osama is saying about us and giving him one hell of a recruitment tool. And that is what kills me the most. Tony Blair tirelessly urges George Bush to do something about the Israeli/Palestinian conflict. And what does he get in return?

Practically nothing.

As a demonstraion of his committment to fighting terrorism Blair joined the 'coalition' that invaded Iraq, with the understanding that Bush would do something about Israel. What is Blair and Britain's return on their investment? Over 50 dead civilians and 700 wounded on their way to work on a Friday morning.

George Bush is the one person who could play a significant role in resolving one of the core issues in the Middle East and really claim victory in the war on terror. That issue is the Isreali/Palestinian conflict. He does nothing because he is Ariel Sharon's stooge. He does nothing just like he does nothing about global warming while the sky falls in on us. In order for Bush to actually do something about the one issue that inflames most Muslims in the region, he would need to actually be intelligent, insightful, wise and possess the ability to listen to others and think they might know more than he does. But he is none of these things. His short sightedness has only detracted from the real War on Terror and resulted in the death of thousands of Iraqi civilians, put the lives of American civilians in jeopardy and left a friend and ally with nothing to show for thier faith in him except for blown up subways and shattered lives.

This morning, Londoners emerged from their homes and rather than shrink in fear, went to work. Sixty five years ago Hitler bombed London day and night for a year, forcing citizens to sleep in subways. Today, terrorists saw Londoners back in the very subways they bombed. Twice terror has struck this brave city and both times Brits have gone underground to stand their ground against tyranny. Now that Mr. Bush is resolve.

Be well all.

A Sort of Father's Day Story

2005-06-20T23:45:00.000-07:00

This is a story about dads. It is also a story of how I came to be.

I was born a bastard.

In the early 1960's my mother started a five year affair with a married man who was separated from his wife. As this was the sixties and they were both Catholic, they never married. They conceived a boy...no, not me, that would be too simple. The boy was my older brother. It turned out after several years of this relationship that the man in question began beating my mother, along with the two girls she brought into the relationship. Oh yeah, did I mention this guy was also a drunk. Really, there is more.

After about the fourth year of the relationship, my mother began looking for ways out. She met this guy's brother who was the polar opposite of his woman beating-binge drinking older brother. He lived in California and was in NYC for an extended visit. This guy was also married. A nice guy. He helped her move away from his abusive brother and relocated my mom and her now three kids to the west coast.

As fate would have it, the brother of the drunk had marital difficulties a year later and wound up separated from his wife. With nowhere to go and owing him refuge, my mother took him in. Shortly thereafter, my mother began a brief affair with this man. The drunk's younger brother. I am the product of their indiscretions. If you've been able to actually follow this little tale that makes me and my brother, not just brothers but also cousins. Such is life growing up at Dysfunction Junction.

This now being the late sixties, both people involved being Catholic and the general absurdity of it all, my biological father could not admit my being his son. He went back to his wife and left my mother. Nice guy.

He came around a lot for awhile. He was after all my 'uncle', why would not an uncle want to take his nephew to the zoo, to the mall, out to eat. Just me and him. But not a word in all those occassions about him being my dad. He died when I was seven. When I was older I was told that my father lived back east. End of story.

By the time I was three, my mother became involved with a man who stayed. This man brought three of his own children into the relationship. I'll do the math for you, that makes seven kids with four different fathers all trying to live in one three bedroom apartment. This new guy became my 'dad'. He raised me until he died when I was 19. I had the honor of finding his body and trying to give him CPR to sustain him until the paramedics arrived. Good times. Anyway, he never married my mom and he probably drank too much. Not like the first guy though. With all his imperfections, my dad taught me a few things. Things like a man should help provide for his family, he taught me about owning my mistakes and learning from them and about responsibility. That last one was always a stretch to me. He believed in me, he told me so. He always encouraged me to finish high school, unlike any of my other siblings. I loved him. He also told me on my 13th birthday that I was ready to have my first sexual encounter and it should be with an older woman so she could teach me stuff. I told you, dysfunction. Throw in being old world, east coast Italian and enough said.

And now here I am a father in my own right. I have no idea what I'm doing. Not much to go on.

And yet, here I am. Father of two of the most amazing boys God has ever assembled. Boys who act like me, talk like me, look like me. Boys that make me laugh and cry and mad at myself for not knowing what I am doing sometimes. They deserve all that I can give them and more. We had an absolutely perfect Father's Day yesterday. The sun, the barbeque, the games. I never experienced anything like that in my childhood or my life.

Here I am. I'm not leaving like my biological father. I'm not dispensing wisdom from the bottom of a Tall Boy Budweiser like my step-dad. They will never have to wonder about their real dad. They will not have to deal with issues of abandonment. They will always be able to point to one man and say "that is my father". No complicated geneolgies here. I will give up whatever I have to for them, but I will never give up on them.

Oh, Lord God. My only true Father. Give me wisdom to love and raise these two boys to be the men you want them to be. Make me into the man they need me to be, that you want me to be. Change me, transform me for your glory and their blessing.

Happy Father's Day. Peace and health to all. Scott, this day will come for you soon, I know it.

Answers for Ian

2005-05-05T22:29:00.000-07:00

Attention: for readers who do not know me or the friednship I treasure with Ian hear this. Ian is one of my most valued friends. I don't call him enough, but he doesn't call as much either. That is the beauty of it, I know I could go months without talking with him, but if a crisis came up, I could count on him being there for me. What follows is a truly friendly discourse on our differences in the political world.

Oh, Ian. I love you man. I honestly was not expecting a full post dedicated to roiling over my previous statements regarding your president.

Let me start my reply with saying that I have meant every single word I have said regarding the current resident of 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue. I appreciated your not ascribing my statements to ignorance. I do wonder though about your implying my blindness or irrationality. I realize my words have a punch, I intended them to. Anyway, on to the matter.

On the charge of Murderer: The invasion of Iraq was a premeditated, 'pre-emptive' strike against terrorism,

or to enforce previous U.N. resolutions,

or to get rid of WMD,

or to free the Iraqi people,

or whatever the reason du jour happens to be coming from the White House.

In any event it was pre-planned. We can't argue that. The president and his planners knew there would be people killed. They planned, they knew. Thousands have died. At last count, there are least 7,000-10,000 dead Iraqis. And that does not even count the deaths that occurred due to the breakdown of law and order after Saddam's ouster. According to those pesky Geneva Conventions, when you occupy a country you are legally held responsible for that sort of thing. Conventional news organizations like CNN, MSNBC and the NY Times have run articles in the past year detailing the issue. I apologize for not having the links readily available. It is also fairly well established by the Defense department's own admission that they do not even count civilian Iraqi deaths for lack of 'credible' information. You asked who this guy is murdering. Simple, the deaths of thousands of Iraqis are the direct result of his plans. It is clear to me he planned, he knew, and death resulted from his actions. That my frined is murder. You can dress it up any way the GOP wants, but it is still murder. If there was no Second Gulf War, there would not be these deaths. I could easily apply this term to other presidents and world leaders. Would it bother you less if I applied them to a Democrat? Hmmm. . .

I have no problem with war. Sometimes it is justified. Not this time, Ian. Do you ever really sit and think about the thousands of Iraqi lives that have been ruined because of the president's actions? I do. The president never, I mean never talks about it, man. Because he knows that will direct scrutiny at the wisdom of his actions. How do you think this makes many Iraqis or Muslims feel? We kill their people and the guy responsible never speaks of it? What does this say about our culture Ian? A Christian president is reponsible for the deaths of thousands of Muslims and the world knows that Christians supported this guy in the election. What does this say about our Christian witness? No, I have no problem with justified war. I have a problem with murder.

On the charge of Cheat: Actually, I used the term thief. But I digress. It is not what Mr. Bush's policies are personally cheating me out of that I take issue with. But I find it interesting that you would assume that I would be concerned with 'me', rather than others. Anyway, the Bush administration did indeed cook up legislation to do away with certain overtime laws that took away, stole, overtime pay from working people. The legislation affected 8,000,000 people. How much harder do you suppose it is for those families now to make ends meet without that additional pay they may have relied on? They used to have the money. Bush created legislation that took it away. Who do you suppose they blame, John Kerry? It is clear to me that this president, like others before them, have no real compassion for the working class. They might conjure up a pretty sound bite claiming they do during a campaign, but once elected and push comes to shove, he will sell the working class out to his big corporate benefactors. The money was taken from workers. Not elites. Not special interests. Not me. Just your average, working class American. You know, the backbone of America.

To take what previously belonged to someone else is called stealing. At least that is what my mother taught me. And yes, I am aware of the logical extension of this line of thinking to Native Americans. But that topic can wait for another post.

On the charge of Liar: I'll admit, because of the art of politics this is the hardest charge to prove. I will simply offer up a few of my own observations. I'm a well read person. Not as well read as some, but better than most people I run into on a daily basis. Forgive the sound of arrogance. In addition, I'm an avid newshound. I teach history. Today's news is tomorrow's history. Therefore I feel that I am a good observer of most things in the political/social arena. Having said that, it is clear to someone like me that by 2003, if there were WMD in Iraq, they would have already made their way into the hands of terrorists, if Saddam were truly that insane. Add to the fact that it was a fairly widely held beleif in political circles that Saddam was more concerned with Iran than the U.S., it seems unlikely that he would have passed on WMD to Osama bin Laden. Now it is true, the intellegence agencies of the U.K., France, Germany and Russia all agreed with the CIA that Iraq had unaccounted for amounts of chemical and gas agents. But Russia cannot account for 3% of it's nuclear material since the fall of Communism. Are they next on the Axis of Evil hit list?

All of this is to say that George W. Bush listened to what he wanted to hear. It is widely published that the decision to remove the Iraq threat was made shortly after 9/11. Probably after the fall of the Taliban in Afghanistan. Before any new UN resolutions, he made a decision and then found morsels of 'intelligence' to justify the position without endeavoring to truly evaluate the validity of the information. In some cases he actually enhanced what was known, took suspicious claims as gospel and sold it to the American people because it suited his plans. You may be right. It might not be lying outright. But in college when I was taught how to do honest research I was taught to go into a topic blind and let the research draw the conclusion for me. Mr. Bush seems to have missed that point. Funny though, I think they teach that at Yale. . George W. Bush may not have lied like Bill Clinton did, heck, nobody can lie like that guy. But nobody died when Clinton lied.

On the charge of Simpleton: No, I do not think George W. Bush is the American Idiot. Nor the Resident Gas Man (catching your Green Day reference). I don't even think he is the brains of the operation. I give that label to Dick Cheney and Karl Rove. Rove has got to be one of the most brilliant political strategist in recent history. Your president's occassional mangling of the English language is nothing to make fun of. As someone who makes thier living by speaking to people everyday I know sometimes words get mangled, I do it myself. No my friend, Bush's stupidity stretches to who he probably really is. He is a simple guy. A straighforward guy. With very little interest in anything else than what is directly in front of him . He appears to have no sense of wonder about the world around him. For crying out loud, prior to the invasion of Iraq Colin Powell had to explain the difference between a Sunni and Shiite Muslim to him. He travels only when he has to and prefers other world leaders, Tony Blair included, to come to him. He is simple. Thus the use of the word simpleton. I'm sorry, I shy away from people who are not inquisitive. They kind of scare me because they usually tend to be narrow minded, or should I say 'resolute', or 'staying the course'.

Because of the above mentioned attributes, George W. Bush will listen only to people who think like him and buy into most things they sell him. You see, lack of inquisitivenes leads to this sort of unquestioning thing that starts wars, or raping of the environment or anachronistic energy policies. He is a simpleton because he allows himself to be manipulated in many ways by the people around him, because he lacks interest in dealing with details and readily leaves them to his associates. The Yale degree can't be taken away from him. I've never fallen into the trap that he bought it with his daddy's money. I don't believe he did. But I do know that Bush used that Yale MBA to drive every business he's ever owned into the ground. Smart.

To finish out, I didn't say the entire electorate was duped, merely many of the 51% percent of it who voted for him. And by the way, 51% doesn't make a mandate. I know that you made your voting decisions inteligently as you know I made mine, as I know others whom I love who voted for him. But many Bush voters were not hornswaggled by Bush, he is too simple to do it alone, yet clever enough to let others do it for him. It is all about Karl Rove. The entire campaign was about deflecting attention from Bush's record on certain wars and directing attention on isolated Kerry situations. Kerry, who by the way ran a horrible campaign. Karl Rove and Dick Cheney are the real Svengalis. If you don't believe me, you are just not reading enough.

You are correct, we have the best thing going. It is not perfect, but it continues to evolve in that direction. This election was special because it was a moratorium on the president killing thousands that he never speaks of, stealing money from working men and women, lying and 51% of my fellow Americans did not seem to regard those offenses as heavily as I did. Such is the nature of democracy. There is nothing special about George W. Bush personally, other than where he lives. He is a murderer, thief, liar and simpleton. I stand by my words.

Just to sweeten the deal, here is my voting record since 1988:

George H.W. Bush, Bill Clinton, Bob Dole, Al Gore, John Kerry.

The Test

2005-05-03T14:52:00.000-07:00

Below is a to the editor of our local paper that I will never send.

Dear Editor,
This past week high school students in our district took their state-standardized exams. For the first time in several years the exams more accurately reflect the material that is taught in the classroom in accordance with state content standards. It troubles me as a local educator that something that should be viewed, as a time to celebrate student learning will eventually turn into a rapid blame game. You see, eventually the scores for these exams will be released to the public. And while scores have consistently gone up in the last several years, there will still be a vocal portion of the community that will decree poor student performance, ineffective and incompetent teachers and generally declare that the system has failed our students. This is the reason for my writing today.

Do not get me wrong, there are challenges in our educational system that are being met head on. However, the fault for less than spectacular test scores will not entirely be the fault of the person at the chalkboard. During this last round of testing I was surprised by the swiftness that some of my students completed their tests. For example, when given 85 minutes to complete a 35 question reading section, several students finished in 10-20 minutes. Granted some students are wonderful readers and can accomplish a great deal in a short amount of time, but come on, that’s about 17 seconds per question. And students were supposed to read large passages of text before answering questions. When I asked some students how they were able to finish so early they replied “ I just guessed”, or “I didn’t read the question”. I then made them go back to the exam and read over the questions, which they pretended to do. This happened in just about every subject matter exam that they took that week. So I asked many of them why they behaved this way when it came to the testing. They said things like, “These test don’t mean anything”, “I don’t care about these tests”, one girl replied, “If it doesn’t hurt my grades, why should I care?” So I consulted with my colleagues and found that their experiences were very similar to mine. Another student of mine asked me if she didn’t show up for a test what would happen. I told her that she would be called in another day to take it. She then asked what would happen if she were absent on that day. I asked what she was getting at. She said, “Well, what if you just don’t want to do it? You shouldn’t have to do something that you don’t want to.” Even when I attempted to explain that these test scores will affect their ability to get into certain classes or that these scores will go into their permanent student file, most of them didn’t really seem to care. Some students responded “ If I like the teacher, I might try on their test”.

So I ask you, as an educator, how am I supposed to combat this level of apathy and indifference? Where is the student accountability for their performance or lack thereof on these exams? Many students just do not care. These tests do not directly impact them and they know it. How are their test scores supposed to accurately reflect how hard teachers are working? Where is the justice in this outcome?

Then there is the exam itself. It gets better every year. That is one reason why scores continue in an upward direction for the most part. But the exam we use here was normed in the Midwest. Most of the students there do not have a lot in common with the average urban Hip Hopper in SoCal. The wording of questions is akward and for years, the exams were not even in line with state content standards. Think about it. For years hard working teachers have been teaching to standards that were not even being measured at the state level. Frustrating.

I’m optimistic, as a teacher you have to be, that our student scores will satisfy some. But ultimately, those who have an axe to grind against public education will sharpen it if they do not like the scores when they see them, never taking into account what I have just shared.

How Long Will You Ignore the Truth, Mr. Bush?

2005-04-28T12:11:00.000-07:00

More evidence that climate change is real and tied to our own actions.

How much longer will our government continue to do nothing about it?

If I Were. . .

2005-04-28T09:04:00.000-07:00

Taking up KMJ's challenge that was inspired by Jaymarie's intitial challenge, here are my musings on alternate careers paths.

If I were a scientist, I would pioneer a harmless gene therapy to cure diabetes. I would consider this my greatest gift to my mother who ultimately died due to related complications of being diabetic for forty years.

If I were a painter, I would finally know the name for the color we painted the bathroom.

If I were a librarian, I would spend every waking moment reading, reading and reading some more. Like Sherry, I get a little manic when I think about all the books that are out there and how I'll never get a chance to read them all. If I were a librarian I would have no such problem. Of course the added bonus of telling people to be quiet for a living also has its appeal.

If I were a psychologist, I would spend the majority of office time trying to treat myself. Talk about a full time job.

If I were a gardener, I would spend my time breathing in the life that is present in the living creation of our God. As environmental issues are a primary interest for me, I would delight in working with creation. Taking in the smell of recently watered grass, the texture of the cool, moist soil and the sounds of animals flying and crawling about in my own garden is one of my favorite ways to pass time. To be financially compensated to do so would be sweeter still.

Mr. Funkiller Goes to Washington

2005-04-23T21:30:00.000-07:00

Hello all. I'm back. And none of you knew I was really gone. I hesitate posting that I will be out of town for fear that some of my students may finally find my blog and do something unfortunate in my absence.

Anyhizzle, I'm back after seven days in Washington D.C.. What a trip. In every sense of the word it, was great. Aside from airport security, which is a farce, we are all doomed. I had the great pleasure, along with one of my colleagues, of escorting ten students to the Close-Up foundation's new Americans program. As this was my first time, I too was a student. The students participated in their own program and I came and went through the separate teacher program. Here is what I saw and did in seven days:

Lincoln Memorial

Washington Monument

Jefferson Memorial

Old Post office. Took the stairs all the way to the top. Cool view.

Korean War Memorial

Vietnam Memorial

World War II Monument

Walked the entire circumference of the Reflecting Pool.

Sat in on a session of the House of Representatives along with meeting my district representative.

Saw the a nearly full Senate in action. Saw Ted Kennedy, Lemar Alexander, Trent Lott, Joseph Lieberman, Joe Biden, Chris Dodd, George Mitchell and Rick Santorum debating a resolution to a trade agreement to increase agricultrural trade with Cuba.

Toured the Supreme Court.

Went to the Smithsonian Musuems several times. Air and Space, Natural History, National Gallery, American History and Native American.

Arlington National Cemetery.

National Archives. Got as close as security would allow me to the Constitution, Declaration, and Bill of Rights.

FDR Memorial.

Met Chris Matthews and asked him a few questions.

Spent hours walking around the Library of Congress with my mouth open, not uttering a word.

Went to the National Cathedral. In a word, "wow".

Saw a Play at Ford's Theatre. I sat 15 feet under the balcony in which Lincoln was shot.

Toured the outside of the White House. I saw Marine One land on the south lawn and saw George W. Bush walk out. If only I had some fresh produce with me at the time.

Lafayette Square. Cool French dude.

I paid too much for bottled water. Got really great prices on T-shirts of questionable quality, and walked more miles than I can count.

Rode the Metro between two sates. Mass transit rocks. Yes, that Berlin song played in my head every time I got on a train.

But more than anything, my students had a great time. I honestly think they got someting out of the program. They were exposed to the workings of our democracy, warts and all, and came away, I hope, changed, empowered with the knowledge to be responsible citizens in one of the oldest democracies on the planet.

Suprisingly, I too was changed. After the last election, I had decided that American democracy was so badly broken that it did not matter if I voted or not. I had resolved to no longer vote. I became apolitical. I even called my local registrar to find out how to unregister to vote. I did not want to be part of a process that re-relected George Bush after all the people he has murdered and all the over time pay he has stolen from the working class. But somewhere in the week, I unknowingly began to re-evaluate my decision. There was something about seeing the nation's capital in all it's splendor, excess and dysfunction that made me realize I could not, not vote. Many of the Founding Fathers were probably racist. The Three Fifths Clause of the Constitution still breaks my hearts along with the disenfranchisement of women in the beginning. But I do belive that these dudes knew they were setting up an organic system that could evolve over time and bring more Americans under the big tent by expanding the ideals of the founding documents to more and more citizens. I really do think we have come a long way in the last 229 years and we still have miles to go in some ways. But I know all this and with knowledge comes responsibility. I have a responsibility to vote. I'm not trying to sound overtly patriotic in some misdirected jingoistic sentiment, but I mean it. I have a responsibility to vote, regardless of whether or not I agree with the outcome of an election. Such is the burden of knowledge.

Peace to all who cared to read and even those who don't.

Christy Update

2005-04-15T20:45:00.000-07:00

Last summer I posted about a former student of named 'Christy' that I helped get into a recovery program for her drug and alcohol problems.

She came and visited me today at school.

I am happy to report that she celebrated her one year of sobriety last week.

She was on campus to pick up her transcripts so that she could be admitted to adult school to take a class to get her G.E.D. She is still working, getting along with her sister and aunt and looks and feels good. There was a genuine sense of relief about her. She talked about going on to city college after she gets her G.E.D.. It was great to see her and to know that she is progressing in her journey toward some sense of stability. Now that she has past her one year of sobriety she wants to sponsor others and help them on this difficult path.

This is all good news. Please continue to pray for her. If you know anybody in recovery, you know that the journey is sometimes difficult and life long. Pray that God would open up opportunities for me to show her the love Jesus has for her whenever we meet and that she would desire eternal recovery in Him.

Thanks for reading.

The Good News About Rising Gas Prices

2005-04-11T11:26:00.000-07:00

In lieu of recent spikes in the price of oil I sincerely feel badly for folks like Troy and others who have to commute long distances to work.

Having said that, on some level, I am very happy about the rising cost of gasoline.

The only way to get the average eco-ignorant American to think about reducing their consumption of gasoline is to hit them in the wallet. Our crack like addiction to oil contributes to global warming (regardless of what Bush says), makes the world more unsafe and actually perpetuates a broken national energy policy.

Once the average consumer realizes that oil prices are probably never going to come down enough to make their Hummer make sense anymore, they might be more likely to pursue hybrids. Once manufacturers see more people interested, they will build more and different hybrids. Who says you can't develop a smart enough hybrid engine to work for a large SUV? If you build it, they will come.

Our national fixation with driving drives our need for more and more oil. Most of the states that sell us large amounts of oil are some of the most despotic on the planet. Saudi Arabia provides roughly 20% of our oil. This is a nation where women cannot vote , drive or cannot go outside unless escorted by a male family member. Think about that. Iran for example is awash in oil profits. Iran will never open it's economy to foreign investment or ideas of true reform unless it is hurting for cash. As long as we are willing to pay any price for crude, and it seems we are, we are actually supporting authoritariansim. In oil rich countries there is a straight line connecting oil profits and support for terrorism. We are fighting the War on Terrorism against ourselves. We are our own worst enemy.

What really kills me is that Californians are so collectively stupid on this issue that according to an LA Times article I read yesterday, our appetite for large vehicles is expected to continue to grow. We need to be vehicularly bitch slapped and if it takes $4 a gallon gas to do it we have only ourselves to blame.

Without rethinking our dependence on oil because of high prices we will never be forced to re-evaluate how we generate energy. Our current national energy policy is a collection of dysfunctional short term fixes better suited to the 20th century. We need new thinking about technologies to generate our energy from a variety of sources. This country has some of the best intellectual resources in the world. It is time to use them in the realm or energy development. If higher oil prices is what drives that than so be it.

Now it is definitely true that the resultant increase in energy costs will adversely affect businesses, especially smaller ones. It is unfortunate and our government should do whatever it can to realistically help. Higher oil prices mean less consumer spending which drives about 2/3 of our national economy and that will have negative short term effects. The sad and sorry truth is that there is no way around these hardships. We are at a crossroads. At the dawn of the Industrial Revolution, custom furniture makers, cobblers and other small businesses of the day felt the pinch of the coming of a new age. We were able to get passed it then and we will now. I don't mean to sound harsh, but from a socio-historical point of view the situation is what it is. We are running out of oil and we can't pretend we are not and that means our paradigm must shift accordingly.

The good news about the rising cost of oil is that it might be a wake up call. An opportunity to realize we must fundamentally change how we view the world, it's resources and our gluttonous consumption of them. Christians should be leading the way. It strikes me as odd that some believers do not regard creation as highly as those who know not the name of Jesus. I even know Christians who say things like "Even if global warming is true, Jesus will probably come back before it gets bad". What the heck kind of thinking is that? I also find it alarming that many Christians do not think of mass consumption or mass consumerism, swallowing up the Earth's resources for no other reason than to make the natural world bend to our every whim as sin?

As oil prices increase perhaps some of us will realize that we truly cannot have everything and maybe we don't need everything. We might even come to grips with the notion that we are not this invincible semi-divine entity that can do as we please without consequence. Our actions affect others. We are not the center of the universe. We might learn that we must become more responsible. And that my friends, is good news no matter what the price at the pump.

Peace to all.

It's My Blog and I'll Rant If I Want To

2005-04-06T21:41:00.000-07:00

So I'm watching a rerun of 'Everybody Loves Raymond' and the epiphany strikes. I think I know why everybody loves him.

He is the perfect typical, stereotypical, shallow, sports obsessed, unmotivated American male who wants to do the right things in life as long as they are not too difficult to accomplish.

Women love Raymond because they all know someone like him, have married someone like him, dated or divorced someone like him.

Men love him because they know, at least subconsciously, that there is a little Raymond in all of us. Raymond gives the average man another excuse to be lazy, unromantic, insensitive to their spouse, or to be focused on the next slice of pizza to come their way. This character gives the average woman a reason to make sweeping generalizations about men and gives the average guy the lame excuse to justify their bad behavior by pointing to Raymond and saying "See, we're all like that, it isn't just me".

Well, not me. I have had it. I refuse to allow this sitcomish caricature of modern man to perpetuate itself. I henceforth declare my un-Raymondness.

Listen, I'm not saying I'm perfect. You all know that I'm not. Many of the men who read this blog do not fit the Raymond mold. I'm just overly annoyed that such a popular show for so long has been able to get away with this. I even let the CBS fat cats get away with it by watching every week. What a dufus I am. Now I know how women feel when they are confronted with stereotypes of little Susie Homemaker as the only means to define them. I'm sorry ladies.

I proclaim my independence from this stereotype with every meal I cook, every dish I wash and every dirty diaper I change. Every bill I pay, each pediatrician's appointment I make
is now striking a blow to the myth of the average American goofball male. With every bag of trash I take out and all the floors I mop I am defining male domesticity in strength of character and personal fortitude. Each homework assignment I help with, every load of laundry I do and every anniversary I remember I proclaim, I am not Raymond.

Alright, I know it is just a television show, but I had to get this off my chest. I'm done now.

Peace to all who care to read.

And Justice For All

2005-03-28T21:34:00.000-08:00

What exactly is injustice?

Is it when the guy in front of you in the Express lane sneaks in a 13th item instead of the regulated 12?

Or perhaps it is when you judiciously insert the appropriate coinge into a vending machine only to find the must have bag of Cool Ranch Doritos get stuck on the way down?

Maybe you are like me and you see injustice in the person speeding past you on the freeway and you think "If that were me, I'd have a ticket by now"?

I'm afraid Scripture defines injustice differently. I recently heard someone speak from an organization that is actually doing something about injustice in the world. You know, the real, oppressive stuff that Jesus talked about. It was humbling to hear about what some people are doing to bring mercy and justice to those who have never known it.

Please follow the link below. Pray for the people involved in this work. Give them money if you can. Most of all pray that God would move his people to work to bring mercy and justice to the world.

http://ijm.org/

Peace ang love to all.

If I Ran The World

2005-03-15T22:02:00.000-08:00

As I mentioned in my last post, my students have been learning about totalitarian dictators. In one of our class discussions we got to the question 'What would you do if you were dictator?' I explained to my students that in ancient Roman days, the role of dictator was actually an elected office. The person was elected dictator during a time of crisis, once the crisis was resolved the dictator would voluntarily surrender his power and go back to his previous life. This is dramatically different than how we view cats like Mussolini, Stalin or Hitler.

Being the narcissistic person that I am, I thought about this after class and began to make a list. So, in no particular order, here is a short list of things I would do if I were elected dictator.

Abolish the death penalty.

Outlaw abortion except for cases of incest, rape or life of the mother being in jeopardy.

Rewrite the Kyoto Protocol to make it apply to India and China, then ratify the blasted thing.

Slap a $2.00 tax on each gallon of gasoline. Use half the money for tax credits for families making under $30,000, the other half to help fund R&D for alternative, renewable fuels.

Provide tax credits to companies that are doing viable research on renewable forms of energy.

Make it illegal for Congress to give itself a pay raise. Of course, as dictator I really would not need these guys, but you get the point.

Require that all cars bought, imported, sold or made in this country achieve a corporate average fuel economy of 50 miles per gallon within 10 years of my assumption of power.

Tell the Israelis they will not get one more dime until they pull back forces and dismantle all settlements to the Green Line of 1967.

Increase pay for armed forces personell.

Rewrite the Second Amendment.

Institute the Metric system.

Make 'White-lining' by motorcycle riders illegal.( sorry, it is a pet peeve.)

End the embargo with Cuba.

Officially resume diplomatic relations with Iran.

Actually get serious about the War on Terror.

Restore the Clean Air Act.

Increase the school year to 210 days. Each day would start at 9:00 a.m. and end at 4 p.m.

Sign the Anti-Personnell Treaty.

Give tax credits to American companies that do business with Mexican companies that provide high wages and benefits to their employees. Thus encouraging the illegal immigrants to stay where they really want to be, improving their lives and the Mexican economy and saving us billions in the process by keeping a lid on the illegal immigration many people complain about.

Criminally prosecute employers, large and small that employ illegal immigrants. You can't punish the immigrant for responding to a basic need of employment. If the law is being broken, it is the emplyer breaking it, not the man or woman wanting to earn a living.

Renegotiate trade agreements with China, forcing them to institute some of the same wage and environmental laws we abide by, thus making trade with them fairer and potentially saving some American jobs.

Remove all troops from Saudi Arabia.

Require free air time for all presidential candidates regardless of political party.

Legalize Civil Unions giving gay couples the same legal rights in all matters that heterosexual married couples have. Thus ending (at least in my mind) the debate.

Personally amend the constitution to define the social and historical concept of marriage as 'between one man and one woman'. Thus preserving marriage for what it has always been and not allowing the courts the define a social institution that is as old as civilization itself.

And after all this was done, much like the Roman dictators of old, I would voluntarily relinquish my power and retire to a life of reading, writing and coffee on my patio.

If only.

Peace to all.

Just One Of Those Moments

2005-03-11T07:01:00.000-08:00

So yesterday I am going over a new essay assignment that I gave my students. Basically it is a comparison/contrast piece where students write about the differences and similarities between Communism and Nazism in the 1930's-1940's.

After explaining the assignment I am assaulted with the usual complaints, questions about font size, due date and various queries that try my patience. At the very moment that I feel that the assignment and I are both losers one of my students ask:

Mr. Marano, why are we comparing an economic system with a political system?

And suddenly, everything is alright again. I truly love my job.

Peace and good health to all.

Of Bumps On The Head And Years Gone By

2005-03-03T20:58:00.000-08:00

Last Friday, my oldest boy got a 'mild to severe' concussion. It happened at school towards the end of the day. The school nurse called me in my classroom. I rushed right down and picked him up.

It was scary. He was throwing up. He was dizzy. And he kept trying to go to sleep. All the danger signs. Anyway, because the school could not get a hold of my wife I was apparently the parent in charge. So I took him down to the hospital. Five hours and a CT scan later everything checked out normal, though he was on bed rest for a couple of days. Those five hours were difficult. I kept him awake. He laid his head on my lap. We kept talking about anything as long as he did not fall asleep. I held his head while he repeatedly threw up and gave him lots of water. I prayed.

If you are a parent I can guarantee the last thing you want to see is your child in a hospital gown lying in a hospital bed, throwing up and repeating that he wants go home. I saved my tears for when I got home and he was safely asleep.

My whole point in bring this up is that it got me thinking. I tell my boys often how much I love them, how much they mean to me. But I want to leave something in writing that may outlast my words. So I started writing letters. This one is for my oldest. The letter, like my parenting, is a work in progress.

Dominic,
I guess I’m writing this now because I’m afraid that time will play that trick it does and pass by too quickly and I won’t notice that I never did this. As I write, you are seven years old, in fact, you are sleeping right now, as is your mother and brother. I can’t believe you are seven years old. I’ve been thinking about doing this since you were a baby. I swear it was just yesterday that your mother gave birth to you. From day one, you were me. In looks, behavior, attitude, and competitiveness. I guess I should apologize. Anyway, back to the beginning. You were perfect. Born at a good weight, good size and with complicated allergies that drove your mother and I nuts. I was such a lousy father those first two years. I didn’t know what to do with you. You couldn’t talk or write or communicate with me in any way shape or form that i recognized, and that frustrated me sometimes, and I didn’t know what to do with my frustration. I was never taught how to handle frustration or anger well. I hope I didn’t pass that on to you. If I did, I’m sorry, I tried not to. Perhaps genetics is more powerful than we like to believe. Again, back to the beginning. I always loved you. At times so much I could literally feel physical pain at the thought of it. I always wanted a son and God has blessed me with two. You were first. Everything was new for me. I had such a crappy childhood you were my chance to do it all right and re-live it as I thought it always should have been. I pray that I gave you a great childhood. I tried my best and worked my hardest to do so. I read to you everyday, sang to you, took you for walks when you were ready. I loved every minute of it even when it was hard and my strength as a person was challenged. Being your father has made me a better man. Thank you.

I gave you your name. I knew what your name was going to be before I saw the first ultrasound. Your first name is Latin in origin and means ‘belonging to the Lord’ and you do. The day your mom told me she was pregnant we prayed and gave you to Him. We asked for His wisdom in raising you in a way that would honor Him and lead you to salvation in Jesus. You belong to the Lord. Live for Him and this life will be filled with blessings and contentment that the world alone cannot bring. Your middle name is Greek in origin. It means’Man’s defender’. I didn’t expect you to go out and save the world, you can’t. Jesus has already accomplished that. I chose that name because I hoped that you would use your life to better the lives of others. I hope this means something to you. You had your mother’s eyes thank goodness. I love looking at your mom. She is an amazing woman. We are lucky to have her.
From the day we brought you home you were always curious. You didn’t sleep as much as other children. When we asked the doctor about this, he said that some babies are just more alert than others and don’t sleep as much. That’s you. Alert. Curious. Observant. You always have been and still are. You started walking the day you turned ten months old and there was no stopping you from then. Soon you turned a year old and I still couldn’t believe that I was a dad. There are so many things wrong with me that I worried I was infecting you with them. I wanted to be the perfect dad. All right not perfect, but better than I had hopefully. By the time you turned two I felt like a dad. Sometimes when you were playing or sleeping I would just watch you. Stare in awe of what you are. Fall more in love with you. And hope that I was doing it all right. You were talking a bit now. You learned your alphabet by this time and your were running all over the place. It was then that your mom and I realized that we needed to buy a home. Our first home. My first home. I grew up in an apartment in a bad neighborhood. Not as bad as some, but worse than most. It was my desire, with God’s blessing, to give you more than I had, and it still is. When we first moved into the house, you just seemed to know where the backyard was and made a beeline for it. The yard was unkempt and the grass tall and green and smelled like late summer. I have this great imagine in my mind of you standing back there amongst grass nearly as tall as you. It is hard to believe that you were once so small. You still are in a safe place in my heart.

My hope is to add to it each year until he reaches 18. I'm starting one for the baby tonight. If you are still reading, thanks.

Peace to all.

Putting Myself Out There

2005-02-22T21:06:00.000-08:00

Reading Troy's recent post about his resume woes made me think about my own situation. After all, it really is all about me, right? You know I jest.

Actually, this week and next I am sending out resumes of my own. I'm applying online wherever possible, sending transcripts and letters of recommendation all in the hopes of getting a job. There is nothing wrong with my current job, though I do feel restless, overworked and increasingly burdened with administrivia.

All my efforts have one goal: to move out of the L.A. area and relocate to the Pacific Northwest. I have no idea if it will ever happen. But as I have posted before, I'm finally at a point where I can say goodbye to this place if that is God's desire. The application process is very unnerving. Re-evaluating my resume, writing cover letters, pouring over professional development stuff. All trying to sell myself as a good potential employee. Would I hire me? Yeah, I think so. It just seems weird to voluntarily make myself vulnerable to blatant rejection. And yet there is something regenerative about looking back at yourself professionally and seeing growth.

I don't know if school districts in the PNW would actually hire a teacher coming from the nation's most culturally diverse school district. I don't know if I'm young enough anymore to seem appealing to employment selection committees. I'm tenured, I'm secure, I'm chair of my department and really quite comfortable. Do I really need the all this stress that I'm putting myself through? Yes.

If I don't do this, I will always wonder what if. If it does not happen this year by late June, then my wife and I will take out a big freaking loan, add a second floor to our house here and start looking at buying a house to retire in in the PNW. I guess we'll have to wait and see.

Be well all.

Burying The Dead

2005-02-10T21:03:00.000-08:00

A student of mine died last week.

The funeral was yesterday. I could not make it. Scheduling issues.

We'll call him Antonio and he was only 16.

Antonio got sick in November and was admitted to the hospital for possible tumors in his lung. Initial diagnosis was there were benign growths in his lungs that were treated with chemo. As the months progressed he got weaker because of the chemo. About a month ago, doctors apparently found another tumor. This time it was in his neck and had to be removed. While the operation was technically a success, he was on life support afterward. He never came off.

Antonio was not a great student. He was funny, animated and well liked by many of his peers. A smart kid, but he usually had other, more interesting things going on than homework. He was a good kid. I liked him.

Smart and unmotivated. Like many sixteen year olds I know. The kind of kid you just want to shake sometimes and say "Wake up man, you've got what it takes, don't squander your opportunities."

And now he is dead. How is it possible that I can write with the words "sixteen year old kid" and "dead" in the same sentence? What are his parents going through? His ex-girlfriend is in one of my classes and she has been a mess. Some of Antonio's other friends are sprinkled through some of my classes and I'm not sure what to say to them. How do you explain this loss to a young person? I know that when I was this age I was convinced I was immortal, invincible.
Does something like this rattle you enough not to take life for granted or does it convince you if you don't know God that He does not exist because how could He let this happen?

I know that I have my own, Christian paradigm to comfort me in reconciling loss in a fallen, broken, painful and ugly world. But how would I help one of my students if they asked for help in processing this? To my own selfish relief none have asked yet.

Mortality is a strange thing once you are forced to deal with it bluntly. He was only sixteen.

I talk to many parents who are frustrated with their kids. They don't know what to do. Their kids won't respond to their help. I can hear the distress in their voices over the phone. Some are hoping just to get their kids out of school, hoping that the real world will help make them into repsonsible people. Antonio will never have that opportunity. His parents will never see his wedding day or graduation day for that matter. They won't be able to say to him on his 30th birthday "You know son, there were times in high school that we worried about you. But we are so proud of you for making good decisions as you got older and it blesses our heart to see you happy and successful in life." It will never happen for them. They are only left with this gaping hole in their heart and their spirit. A hole only God can fill. Please pray for the family.

My boys are sleeping. I'm going to go into their room and praise God for every breath they take.

Peace to all.

Just Not Part Of The Club

2005-02-06T20:45:00.000-08:00

Super Bowl Sunday.

On this day every year I kind of feel like my Jewish friends at Christmas. Nice occassion, but I'm really not a fan.

You see, I abhor professional sports. I believe they are a symptom of what is wrong with our larger society. I have a friend who is a social worker. She saves women from battered homes and children from abusive parents. She makes 43,000 a year. Most athletes who make it big get millions a year for catching or throwing a ball or putting it in a net. But I digress.

Because of my disgust of professional sports and my childhood I never jumped on the sports bandwagon. Until age 12 I was a short, fat barrel with feet. You knew the type, smart and fat and always picked last for any team event at P.E.

Anyway, during those fat, formative years I never was active in sports and therefore never developed a taste for them that translated into adulthood. The problem is that men don't communicate well at all. I'm okay with that. Based on all that weird crap in my head on a daily basis, I'm not sure I want other men 'sharing' what is going on in their head on a regular basis. Women are better at this. They are better at most things. I'm okay with that too.

That leaves sports. In case you missed my association with sports, go back to the top of this post. Most adult men, eat, drink, smoke, play and live sports.

I don't. And on days like this I feel especially isolated. Tomorrow too I'm sure will be a great day as every male in my building Monday morning quarterbacks the game while I nod waiting to get to the bathroom.

I'm just not part of the club. It is a bummer not being able to communicate with your half of the species on the only topic we actually talk about. I guess I'll survive.

Peace to all.

The Wonder That is Woman

2005-02-04T21:27:00.000-08:00

I have always held a deep and abiding respect for the female of the species. But today I just kind of took a step back and really looked at my wife and really women as a whole and was in awe.

I don't know what triggered it, but it was cool.

My wife started student teaching this week. Working for free basically. She lesson plans and teaches like a ten year veteran. She is a natural by the way.

She gets the kids off to school in the morning because I'm out the door by 5:30 a.m. She works hard all day and then comes home to be the greatest mom and wife on the planet.

She puts me in my place whenever necessary. Sadly, this is often.

And she manges to do all this while being in pain everyday of her life.

Just to see the absolute wonder of how she moves through a day is astounding to me. She is but one of billions of women on the planet who do this and sometimes more everyday, in worse conditions. The instincts of a mother, the ability of a woman to multitask and solve problems before they ever even happen leaves me speechless.

Since becomming a father, I am more convinced than ever that if women rose up one day and took over the world it would not surprise me. It would probably be a better place.

I married up. Blessing and peace to all.

A Long Week

2005-01-28T22:21:00.000-08:00

This week I:

Attended 3 meetings.

Administered 5 final exams.

Conducted 11 detentions.

Failed 31 of my 187 students.

Confiscated a note from a boy in which his girlfriend graphically detailed how she masturbated while thinking of him.

And today, to top it off, I stepped on a used condom on the ground floor of the 200 building. Again.

I'm glad it is Friday. I need a break.

Peace to all. Pray for your kids.

Attack of the Killer Mold

2005-01-16T22:32:00.000-08:00

As my recent post mentioned, we have receieved a lot of rain lately. Well, I was going about my housely duties of cleaning up in our bedrom this morning when I came upon a surprise. I decided to move the chest of drawers to retrieve an article of clothing on the floor. What greeted me made me ill.

Mold. Well it was probably more like mildew because I think mold is usually accompanied by some sort of fuzzy texture. Alas, there was no fuzz.

Anyway, I swear we really are clean people. But I guess with the recent deluge some amount of mositure got into that corner and took root. The chest of drawers is about 41/2 feet high and 3 feet wide and the mildew filled the entire area of the wall behind it. As if that were not enough, my curiosity got the better of me and then I moved our bed out from the wall only to discover an even bigger swath of the greenish-brownish menace. I stood for several minutes just gazing in fascination at this marvel. I looked at it so long, I think I began to notice shapes in the surface. Kind of like cloud watching. The more I looked at it, the more things I saw. At one point I think I spotted the Virgin Mary, or was it Elvis?

Anyway, I spent the next hour cleaning every wall in the room. Thank goodness for hot water and Chlorox bleach. Luckily there is no rain in the forecast any time soon. In fact it was 73 degrees today. Five degrees above normal. So much for ending our drought.

Hope all are well. Peace.

Really, I swear, we are clean people.

Here Comes The Rain Again

2005-01-09T15:39:00.000-08:00

If you have heard anything about the greater L.A. area recently, the news has probably been about the rain. Not the usual crime, violence and general weirdness of living in SoCal, but the rain. You see, as of friday, we have received more rain than we should get all year. Over fifteen inches of the wet stuff to be exact. From this latest series of storms we should see about four more inches of rain. Snow is falling in the local mountains in feet, not inches as it normally would. People are actually getting stranded in snow.

Now, to my northern blog family members this may seem like nothing. In truth, it really isn't anyhting big. It seems more like a more normal winter that I remember from my childhood. But ever since global warming and the drought set in six years ago, we haven't had much of a winter. I'm just hoping that the snow in the Sierras sticks around through the spring, perhaps ending our drought. Pray for cool temperatures this winter.

We have a very dense and clay-like soil in this part of town and it is so wet that it is actually muddy. All the decorative bark we spent money on to accent our landscaping has long since been washed out to the street. Once graceful plants and shrubs in our garden have been beaten down flat. Leaves from trees five houses over have found their way to our front and back yards due to the high winds. Neighbors who neglected to bring their trash cans in after friday's pick up will find them floating down the street. Our rain gutters have been so overwhelmed, they almost seem useless since the excess volume just spills over.

I hate to post on something as mundane as the weather, but frankly, it is the most noteworthy thing going on right now as we cannot really leave our home without getting soaked before getting to our car. The forecast is for two more days of this before things calm down. I love it.

Hope all are well. . . and dry. Peace.

Christmas Vacation by the Numbers

2005-01-03T20:35:00.000-08:00

Inspired by Sherry's moose post and the good people at Citibank, I thought I'd share the details of my winter respite.

456

Miles traveled to Grandma's house for Christmas.

The number of times my oldest son asked, "Are we there yet?"

The temperature outside while my father-in-law and I put Christmas lights on their house.

500

Number of lights we hung.

The miles per hour the wind was blowing outside Bakersfield on our way home. The dust storm reduced visibility to less that 100 feet.

The number of times my oldest boy threw up in the car on the way home.

The age I turned on December 29th.

Hours we spent cooking on New Year's Eve. I'm not sure which was better, the meatballs, the brociole or the pasta.

187

The number of students waiting for me when I got back to work.

Sixteen days off with my family, sleeping in, and drinking coffee on cold winter nights. . .priceless.

That Not So Christmasy Feeling

2004-12-21T13:26:00.000-08:00

Now that soccer season is officially over for my son (they took 1st in league for their division).

Now that my wife is finally done with school. I'm so proud of her.

Now that the baby isn't as high maintenance as he was six months ago.

Now that school is out for two weeks and the house is clean, the laundry done for the most part.

The lawn is mowed.

The Christmas lights hung and the decorating done.

I have time to sit and think. Always a dangerous enterprise. This is the first Christmas since my mother died and I'm not very sure how I should be feeling. The fact of the matter is, I'm not sure I miss her in the way I should. Let me clarify. I don't miss the nightmare of the last four years of her life. The pain and suffering. If you're not sure what I'm talking about, see my previous post on the topic.

This is the first Christmas in years where I'm not feeling guilty for taking my family to my in-laws to enjoy a healthy holiday experience. I'm not worrying if she is cold or warm. Did she take the right medication at the right time? Is my brother yelling at her? Is it nice and quiet? Is she in a lot of pain? Did someone change her sheets? I really don't know what to do with this emotional energy I used to direct at such matters. It is almost as if I'm having to re-learn how to live certain aspects and occassions of my life.

I feel this incredible sense of guilt for not missing her. There is almost an absence of emotion. Until I have the time to sit and think.

I miss the mother of my childhood. In spite of the dysfunction, and there was plenty of it, I miss that maternal figure. My mother loved to cook when she was in good health. When I was a kid I could come home after school the week before Christmas break and there always seemed to be something new she had baked that day. The aroma of freshly made spaghetti sauce and lasagna saturated every room in our apartment during this time of year. It was the only time of the year when the chaos of living there seemed to diminish. I miss that. I miss the role she played. Everyone in our family tried harder during those times, however brief they were.

Then, when I play back the last years of her life in my mind, I can only feel sadness. Sadness and regret for all that I did not do. Pain for her suffering and mental confusion. Anger at myself for being so selfish. The memories of my youth are washed out by my recollections of her illness. The delight I find in remembering good Christmases as a child are replaced with reminding myself that she spent the last Christmas of her life in a hospital bed.

Would'nt it be great if they was an 'undo' button in life, like so many Microsoft applications?

What would I do differently? I don't know. I don't want to forget her. But remembering seems so damn painful and gut wrenching at times. I know I must find a way to balance my memories and be glad that she is no longer in pain, but with her Savior and Lord.

Perhaps that is where I can start. If not for His coming into the world, her suffering would continue. My first Christmas without her is her first in the presence of Him whose birth we celebrate. I wonder what Christmas is like in Heaven??

If you are still reading, thanks. Peace and good cheer to all.

A Little Holiday Help

2004-12-19T10:37:00.000-08:00

Hello dear friends. As the celebration of our Savior's birth arrives, my wife and I have begun the process of sending out Christmas cards. Or in our case Christmas photo cards. Anyhow, I don't have everyone's snail mail address. So, if you think I don't have your address, and you would like to receive one of these here cards, complete with a family photo and yes, you guessed it, a family newsletter, email me your address. If you don't have my email address, email someone who does like Scott.

Peace on Earth, goodwill toward men.

Meditations

2004-12-06T07:54:00.000-08:00

Amazing love, how can it be.
That you my King would die for me?
Amazing love, I know it's true,
It's my joy to honor you.
In all I do, I honor you.

Amazing love, how can it be that you have taken this broken, evil man and continue to mold me into the person I was meant to be. Taking my deficiencies and failures and yet somehow giving me success as I strive throughout my life to move closer to you.

How can it be that you have begun the process of making me new. I am morally corrupt, selfish and rough. You do not give up on me.

How can it be that you are reforming my heart to feel more compassion and mercy for others. To take others into account of my actions and thoughts. My spirit is hard. My conscience, stubborn. Yet you have decided to transform me, though it take a lifetime.

Amazing love, how can it be that you have taken this self-centered, immoral man, bent on his own needs, desires and gratifications and given him the love of a wonderful woman. A woman who builds me up, makes me better and loves me, warts and all. A woman who daily reminds me of your grace, your love.

How can it be, that I am father to the most beautiful boys I have ever seen. Boys who are warm, affectionate, smart, clever and funny. How can it be that you would take me from a broken, dysfunctional home and created for me a new home and family of my own. A mere reflection of what my heavenly home is like.

Amazing love, how can it be you have taken me through times in my life that were so dark and painful. Times of despair. Times when I was so hopeless I thought I was better off dead. Yet you walked with me. You carried me. Your voice was with me, sustaining me, even when I couldn't hear you.

Lord, I offer you my life. To honor you in all that I do. My work, my family, all I give to you, for you gave everything for me.

As I revel in this Christmas season I am reminded that His birth is the beginning of my rebirth.

I wish we could all sit around together over a cup of coffee. Be well. Peace.

Required Seasonal Viewing

2004-11-28T20:29:00.000-08:00

This is my favorite time of year. Next to Easter, Christmas is my favorite holiday. With this season there are a number of films and features that I make a point of seeing every year from Thanksgiving to Christmas. Here is my list in no particular order of importance.

Planes, Trains and Automobiles

Miracle on 34th Street (has to be B/W)

Scrooged

A Christmas Story

The Nightmare Before Christmas

A Christmas Carol (with Alastair Sim, thank you)

Home Alone

How the Grinch Stole Christmas (animated)

A Charlie Brown Christmas

Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer

Santa Claus is Coming to Town

Frosty the Snowman

The Year Without a Santa Claus

The Little Drummer Boy

Feel free to leave your own recommendation. Be well all.

Of blindness and back pain

2004-11-21T20:37:00.000-08:00

I was reminded a few weeks ago by one of KMJ's posts about the gift of sight. This prompted me to schedule my annual examination with my friendly neighborhood optometrist. Ordinarily these little excursions are rather uneventful. Not this time.

After the usual tests they run every year I always ask what the results of the glaucoma test were. Once the doctor glanced over the numbers she paused. . . and said that my right eye tested high. Normal, but in the higher range. She looked a little closer and did another, more detailed sort of test and said that the eye tested a little higher than before. When she asked about my family history, I told her and she said "Oh". You see, my mother lost her sight to glaucoma and spent the last years of her life in darkness. One of my sisters and one of my brothers have diabetes. I don't, but apparently I'm in a high risk group. Long story short, I'm being referred to a glaucoma specialist. Please pray. Few things scare me more than the loss of my sight. Please pray for healing.

As if that weren't enough, a few days later I threw my back out at work. I have not experienced pain like that in a long time. I have actually spent the last week in bed and going back and forth to my chiropractor. That is one of the reasons I haven't blogged in so long. So I'm hoping to go back to work tomorrow. I miss my students. I miss being productive. Pain sucks.

On a positive note, my wife may have found a job. We have been lamenting her lack of income as she student teaches next semester. Well, by God's grace, there was a long term sub position that opened up nearby. It may just work out that she stay in that position and do her student teaching there and GET PAID to do it. God is good. Please pray that this employment opportunity work out for the rest of the year.

I've missed this little digital tribe. Hope all is well. Peace to all.

I'm Afraid

2004-11-05T15:39:00.000-08:00

Disclaimer: If you voted for George W. Bush do not read this post. The content of this message is not directed at you, I just need to get this out so that I can survive the next four years.

I'm afraid of George Bush.

I'm afraid of a nation that has given this man a wholesale endorsement of his past and future actions.

I'm afraid of a Democratic party that is so out of touch with the average American's values.

I'm afraid of another four years under the 43rd Reich.

The results of the election were dissapointing to me to say the least. I just can't believe that not only has Bush been re-elected but the American people have given substantial majorities in both houses of Congress to the Republican party. Think about it. Our system of government is based on checks and balances. That no longer exists. The Executive, Legislative and Judicial branches(thanks to Presidential appointments) are now under the control of one party and virtually one man.

I'm afraid of what George Bush spending his new "political capital" will cost me. What will it cost American workers? How about the elderly or the infirmed? The environement?

I'm afraid of a man that took this nation to war without listening to reason. As I have mentioned before, he never speaks of the now 11,000 dead Iraqi civilians. He diminishes the tragedy of their death by never even speaking of it. And we have collectively said that this behavior of his is acceptable by renewing his contract. What does that say about us?

I'm afraid of how he views his power. In an article in the L.A. Times today he was quoted as saying:
"When you win, there is a feeling that the people have spoken and embraced your point of view, and that's what I intend to tell the Congress."
I would be equally afraid of a Democrat who said this, but Bush did and given his history, there is cause for alarm. This man intends on force feeding his agenda on the entire nation. Open up and say ahh.

He has clearly stated that he intends to halve the deficit. How? With more tax cuts for job exporting corporations, how will this be accomplished. Simple, the Republican politicians learned in the 80's that it is unpopular to cut programs. So what the party leadership does is cut taxes first. When revenue dries up, then they cry out about there not being enough money and then programs get cut because it is 'prudent'. Beware of falling funding for education, the EPA and science programs.

His actions will adversely affect teachers, the elderly, students, people who like clean drinking water and many others. And we have allowed him and his partners in crime to do it.

I'm afraid of the Republican party leadership who helped Senator-elect DeMint in South Carolina into office. This guy has actually said that he doesn't think single mothers should be teaching in the classroom. What kind of mentality is this? Where the hell is our country going?

I'm afraid that George Bush is giving Christians a bad name. His advertising his faith is welcomed. The association that average people make between his faith and his behavior is troubling.

I know what my Christian brothers and sisters will say. God establishes the powers on Earth and He is in control. You're right. I agree with you. Its just sometimes I want to bang my head against the wall trying to figure out where it is all going and why. Anybody got a verse that can help me understand why I should keep voting ? I could use it.

Most of all I'm afraid for myself. I no longer know where I fit in the American political landscape. I used to think there was such a thing as bipartisanship. I believed there was such a thing as a moderate. I hoped there was still room for reason in politics. I just don't know anymore.

Peace to all.

Making Changes

2004-11-01T20:50:00.000-08:00

Here is the deal.

I hate living in California, especially SoCal.

To make it sound even more bizarre, I hate the weather here. The lack of seasons. The fact that 19.5 million people live between Santa Barbara and San Diego. It is too hot here. The freeways were designed 25 years ago for 10 million people but are clogged with 14 million cars a day now. Real estate is over inflated. There is not enough water here. The cities are poorly designed. And don't even get me started on the fact that it can be 75 degrees on Christmas day.

There is nothing pretty to look at here. Concrete everywhere. Pathetic trees propped up by sticks in newly planted pre-fab neighborhoods. I hate it.

I have hated living here for the several years now and have thought of moving elsewhere. My wife has been wanting to leave the area for the past ten years, more recently I have warmed to the idea. The Pacific Northwest is our first and only choice for relocation. We have prayed about leaving the L.A. area for years but with no clear indication that we should go. In fact when a job prospect in the PNW would come up, something would get in the way. But recently, things seem a bit more fluid. Especially since my mom's death, I have felt even less attachment to the area. For the first time in ten years, my wife and I are both in the same place at the same time about moving.

But alas, there are details. You can't move without a job. So we have decided to take a step of faith to see if we should move. Starting in January, both of us will apply to school districts in the PNW to see what happens. If one of us gets a job by June, we'll pack our bags and say adios to SoCal.

This may not be in the cards. However much I may want to move, God may have other designs. I could still be living here when I'm 62. I don't know. I just feel restless here. I've lived here all my life and in some ways have seen the world by living in the nation's most culturally diverse city. I just have a feeling that there are other places I need to see, another place I could live. And now seems as good as a time as any. Better now than before the boys get too settled in their own lives here.

So, there it is. We are taking a baby, baby step towards moving. It has only taken a decade to get us this far. In January we'll start applying to see what could happen in June. Nothing could happen, something might.

Please pray for us. That we might know what to do and when to do it or even whether or not we should do it or not. I'll keep you posted. And if you hear of any teaching jobs in the Portland-Vancouver area, just let me know.

Be well all.

Next stop...the driver's seat

2004-10-26T08:05:00.000-07:00

The sage bureaucrats at the California Transportation Safety Authority have deemed it necessary that all children travelling in a motor vehicle be seated in a child seat until they reach the point of six years of age and sixty pounds. Wise guidance indeed.

Well, last week, my oldest boy reached this benchmark in his life and we disposed of his much maligned booster seat. Since he turned six he has asked to be weighed any time we were in eyesight of a scale, anticipating his pending liberation once that golden weight was achieved.
It took him an extra year to do it, but he finally weighed in at 60.3 pounds. I have never seen him smile so much. I mean, you would think that he had just won the lottery every time he clicks the seat belt by himself now.

But each click of that seat belt is yet another tick on the clock winding down to his ultimate emancipation from my care. Like his learning to ride a bike, I am not ready for this assumption of independence. I realize this may sound pathetic and there are times when our kids drive us nuts. But those times are so few, and moments when they separate from us seem to last forever and leave a dent in my heart. I want my boys to grow up to be fine, responsible and godly men. I'm just in no hurry for the whole growing up enterprise itself.

When we are out, I often jokingly ask my son if he would like to drive. He laughs at the obsurdity of my question and says 'no'. After today, I think I'll stop asking him, the day he says yes is closer than I think. Sigh.

Peace to all.

From Thomas Hobbes to Jesus Christ

2004-10-14T21:08:00.000-07:00

I've been teaching a lot lately about the development of democracy in the modern world. Part of that conversation is Enlightenment philosophy. One of the guys(though there were also ladies) who set the tone for the century long debate over whether or not people can be trusted to govern themsleves is a cat named Thomas Hobbes.

Hobbes has got to be one of my favorite thinkers of the last 400 years. Hobbes' basic premise is that people are intrinsically wicked. He wrote that if people were left in their natural state life would be"nasty, brutish and short". No truer words have ever been written. The historian in me knows that because Hobbes lived through the bloody English Civil war of the 1640's that colors his perspective on human nature. True. But perhaps that did not so much shape his view as much as it brought to light the very nature of the human condition.

You see, I first discovered Hobbes as a high school student. I grew up in a dysfunctional Catholic home with a very Old Testament view of God.

I promise I'm going somewhere with this.

During high school I began looking at other views of faith, reason, philosophy and spirituality to answer the big questions in life. I gave Buddhism a glance, dabbled with what Islam had to offer, even dated a couple of Jewish girls in the hope that their faith might answer the questions swirling around my head. I took humanism for a test drive. Nada.

I then turned to rationalism which inevitably led me to the Enlightenment and that in turn introduced me to a whole cast of characters I still walk through life with. I stumbled upon humanism and the idea that human potential is unlimited in its goodness. The problem I have with the whole movement of thought of that period is the indestructable belief in human nature as intrinsically good. In high school I fell in love with the only mistress I have ever had. . .history. History has taught me that humanity has a pattern of behavior that is very bad, dark and evil, not good. So much of what Enlightenment and humanistic philosophy espoused about human nature seemed to contradict what I knew about the truth of history.

Really, I promise I'm going somewhere.

Anyway, I really did buy into the general Enlightenment belief in the spread of liberty and the enfranchisement of the masses. But I couldn't get past what I knew to be historical truth about how bad people really were. Then I found Hobbes. He clearly laid out that people will tear each other apart if you leave them to their own devices. So people make a 'social contract' with a strong ruler. People agree to give up some of their rights to this ruler in exchange for law and order, in other words, peace.

Aha, now I was getting somewhere. But still, that strong ruler was human, and humans are wicked. I could not reconcile the truth of human nature with the Enlightenment or humanist view of humans as the ultimate answer to all of our problems. In my mind that is like saying the only way to cure cancer is to smoke even more.

A couple of years later, in my first year of college, I met some people of the Christian faith who were able to help me fit all the pieces together. Hobbes was right, but Jesus was the answer to the Hobbesian dilema I was facing. My point is, if you are still reading, is that I think my journey toward Jesus started with Thomas Hobbes. I was looking for Jesus when I didn't even know it. He was seeking me out when I couldn't have cared less. He was the answer to my questions . . . past, present and future. Trusting in Him for the security of our lives and spirits is the ultimate answer, not trusting in ourselves or trusting only in our own understanding. Only He brings the peace that Hobbes' Leviathan spoke of.

This realization comforts my spirit. Jesus is there, seeking us out, in what seems like the oddest ways even when we are not looking.

Be well all.