What I'm Afraid of. . .
I honestly don't live in fear. But it has been a bad week, it's late, I don't feel good about my students right now and I'm tired.
So, here is the short list. I'm afraid of:
Getting to the end of my life and realize that I never became the man God wanted me to be.
Not being the husband my wife deserves.
The prospect of raising two boys into the right kind of men.
Being irrelevant.
My students not learning.
Being average.
Being department chair, and liking it too much.
Apathy.
Ignorance.
George W. Bush.
Courageous people falling silent and cowards becoming more vocal.
Forgetting how to laugh at myself.
Taking myself too seriously.
Forgetting past lessons learned.
The volume level on my iPod.
Waking up one day, be 40, and not know where the hell the years went.
California.
Being stuck in California.
Ah, to ramble on my own cyber-talk radio show.
Peace to all.
4 Comments:
I loved this whole post, but PARTICULARLY related to 'the volume on my iPod'. Why the heck did they ever broadcast those 'ooh, watch out, your iPod may be destroying your hearing' stories on the news. Now, it's going to forever plague me - at least until I can't hear and listen to the news anymore. Thank goodness I don't have a Blackberry (crackberry) or I might have 'blackberry thumb' too!!!
Bro,
I have been out of your blog, and just about everybody's blog, too long! Nothing personal; I've been getting flogged with the academic paper whip.
What a thought.
I love these posts. Fuck the frog. That reminds me of little Michael boy in our old Club J building who used to call Scott 'cock.' Loud, through the screen, whenever he came home.
I will say one thing; you will be 40 and wonder, where did the years go? Heck, I'm 41 and I don't know what happened to 40!
You have a wonderful family and a beautiful voice here on the blog; I'll get my butt in here more often nmw.
t
ahhh - there were great. I particulazrly loved the California ones. I feel it. There are great things here (the weather and the equity if you own something) but other than that... If we didn't have family here, we'd probably be gone.
i know you are not looking for pats on the back, but again your insight into your life and God's invovlement are worth heeding. I love the fact that you spout George W. Bush so much that it almost makes me laugh. I think you did a good job of listing them in a good order too. God and your "worries" I think are headed I too worry about the real things of life... God, Family...
OOOO California... Maybe you shouldn't be so bad on cali... maybe you need to just say SOUTHERN California... You aren't stuck there by the way... You are choosing to live there... Maybe your "fear" is the "fear" to take the step to move... By the way it is scarry, tough, hard, ups and downs... We left MOST of everything behind that are real, and those things are difficult to rebuild, but I think you have considered moving to where friends are and those are good ideas, it helps... I say don't stay... I say put those resumes in and get things rolling. Now I don't suggest working for Charlotte Mecklenberg School District in North Carolina, BUT they NEED teachers... and homes are cheap... 150 - 200 will buy you a BRAND NEW 2005, 2500 sqf home... and it is a nice area... I mean everything, where the homes are and North and South Carolina... keep praying...
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