That Guy
As a I peer through the rear view mirror of life and notice 30 fading in the distance and 40 the red light looming large just ahead, recent events have made me take stock of my current station in life.
Though I never thought I would live this long or well and quite certain that I have already reached mid-life it has occurred to me that I have become 'That Guy'.
Who is this generic archetype of male adulthood? Oh, you would recognize him if you saw him. Just channel surf and catch a re-run of an 80's family sitcom. Yes, I have become the charatcer on television I used to watch in my youth.
Here is a short list of things that have happened in the last few months which have convinced me of my new identity.
1. I recieved an invitation to my 20 year high school reunion. I'm not going.
2. Last weekend I made my oldest son volunteer with me at our annual neighborhood cleanup.
3. My life insurance agent left a message to tell me about the great rates available if I wanted to boost my policy before I turn 40. Rates get higher after that don't you know.
4. I called my agent back.
5. Last month I received a card from a new teacher thanking me for all the help I gave him this year and for my patience with 'young teachers' like him. He actually used the word 'young'. Not 'new teacher'. Stevie Wonder could see what he was getting at.
6. I was asked to be a board member of our neighborhood association. Who am I Cliff Huxtable?
7. My almost 11 year old boy has received a few calls from a girl named Anastasia. I'm the father of a tweener for crying out loud. When did this happen? Seriously, it seems like the other day he was still calling bees "flyingthingbugs".
8. I had to coat my bald head in sunscreen before venturing out in the sun the other day.
9. I have actually used the phrase "You know, when I was a kid...." Repeatedly.
10. I've started blaming our dryer for why my pants seem to be shrinking.
I could go on, but why. It is clear to me that I have become that guy who is middle class, has to two kids, a solid marriage, a career, house, community involvement, yada yada yada.
Is it all right if I still tell myself that I'm cool?
Be well.
1 Comments:
FK,
I have read both your posts, heard the sound of your rl voice as if you were sitting across from me sharing them, and I loved, loved hearing from you.
It took me a long time to get "used" to the mountains, and now S and I know we want to move back to civilization. That it has been an amazing 7 years plus now, but the nature of the town and its distance from other things (other people, too) has made it too much of a challenge. And seven Sierra winters are enough (course, I never did break down and buy a snow thrower).
The most heartbreaking thing to me in these posts is that you cannot pursure an M.A. You, of all people, must find a way. Online? Partly online? There are respectable universities offering online courses...there must be some way. Or perhaps that will change at your local U.
You are extremely bright and could easily handle the college world. I hope you make it. Hell, I hope you do what I do someday for a living, teach at a j.c.
And forty? Well, I passed that marker 3, nearly 4 years ago. And I hate to sound like an ass, and I am laughing as I say it, but before 40, I took no meds for anything. Now, I have GERD (managed very nicely by aciphex) take claritin everyday or fluid builds up in my ear, and get colonoscopies every 3 years (family history of colon cancer). I do feel different in the body most of the time than I did at 38 or 39, but not always.
For one thing, I have more time to think and my, uh, cyclops junior seems to rule my life less. Still there, all still works fine, but I think the overwhelming feelings of adolescence are finally over most days (grins).
Oh, and I injured my back at forty. Be careful of grappling with 250 pound idiots at that age....ahem. My own fault, really, but I did not realize my body has limitations.
Of course, all that changes very slowly. It's not like I wake up at 40 and feel different. I didn't. More like 42, 43, but aging is not so bad. And people older than me tell me how young my age is, and I know they are true. My dad is active at 70 something.
I am glad you are settling in, a bit, to Vancouver, but my heart goes out to you about the issues that remain. I am considering changing colleges in the next few years...desperately miss the coast myself, and think of all the risks with that. What if my new dean is a dork? Or the dept. mired in idiotic policy battles (no, wait, I already have the latter). I do hope your wife and children are well in their new environment. And not to add more darkness here, but your son is 11? Oh. Wait 18 mos., wait three years. My own son, at 16, is finally able to talk to me without looking at me like I'm a comlpete moron (that started about 12).
The fact that your family is the shining light: there you have gold beyond price, beyond education or career, and I know you know it. Books can be read. You can find online discussion communities for historical issues. All jobs have good and bad. But a shining light family...there you are lucky, my friend. And I actually think that has much to do with you and who you are! You have made much of that happen and remain. Congratulations on being who you are.
All my love, and talk one of these days.
T
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